Long Distance Relationships...

[ItsFridayImHavingACupOfTea]

What's people's experiences of LDRs?

I met a man at an event. He's 10 years older, we got on really well, have loads in common and there was definitely a spark. The more I find out about him, the more I like him. That never happens. If he lived more locally, I wouldn't hesitate.

But we live 200 miles apart.

I've been largely single for a few years. I don't really have the time for a full time relationship - I've tried seeing men who live locally and I just can't meet their expectations for spending time together. I have children living at home; work full time; friends; hobbies...

He'd like to give it ago and says, if it's meant to be, we'll find a way. We have plans to meet up halfway between our respective towns in January.

Realistically, a relationship would look like a weekend a month and then the occasional week here and there.

That sounds pretty good to me...

What have other people done? Is it worth it? Could it work?

I'm 10 years away from being in a position to live with anyone - I wouldn't live with another man whilst I have children at home.

I was in Asia and my now DH was in Europe. We met and conducted a long distance relationship for a couple of years (i.e. seeing each other every 3 or 4 months.) We somehow made it work, though it was far from ideal and have been together 17 years now. I think your deal sounds absolutely fine. You can both retain autonomy, take things slowly and really look forward to your meet-ups.

Hm... interesting...

At what point did you know it was worth it? Or know that it was going to work? Did you meet when you lived in different continents?!!

How did you find the trust part of it?

We did it. Met at a social event but were living nearly 200 miles apart.

In those days there was no Skype, text or mobile phones. We called each other several times a week and met up around once a month and for holidays, short breaks.

After 3 years and a marriage proposal we moved in together (I moved in with him). 25 years later we are still together.

Really..?

Hm so maybe not as hopeless as I feared it might be then!!

I am in a long distance relationship - literally on opposite sides of the world. We stay in contact via messaging apps and phone calls. We see each other every 3 months usually - but the last few months has been trickier.

We made it work by having it as an open relationship - but that's not for everyone.

I absolutely love him more now than ever. It seems no matter how far away he is, he is always there for me.

Do you ever think it would be easier to meet someone who lived closer?

I started a ldr 12 years ago (NI and South coast of England). It was hard keep stopping and starting, we would talk on the phone and meet up at events we wanted to go to together all over the country and spend a week at a time together either at my home or his. It did get very draining and at times felt like it was never going to come to much, we knew one of us would have to compromise and make the move. I did after a year and we’re still together with two dcs.

It was hard moving in together because it was such an all or nothing thing. We’d gone from seeing each other for short periods and then going about our daily lives on our own for longer stretches to being together 24/7. I sometimes think back and get all wistful missing the early days of pining for someone and the rush of being together again but knowing it’s not for long. Aah nostalgia.

That sounds fine to me. Just enjoy it and see what happens. I used to commute nearly that far to work many days, so a few times a month is a doddle!

My dh and I were long distance for 2 years....and 11 hour flight from each other. We did have the benefit of living in the same city for the first about 9 months after we started dating, but then for the next 2 years, we only saw each other about 3-4 times a year. It was sad to have to say goodbye and know it would be a couple months before we’d be together again, but I truly think it made our relationship incredibly solid. We actually talked because it’s all we could do as we couldn’t do all the things couples do when they’re dating. By the time we got engaged and then I moved to be with him, we knew each other inside and out and had a future together planned and had talked at length about our values and our life goals, etc. I think we’ve also over the years not taken each other for granted because we didn’t have an easy time in those early years. We’ve been together 10 years now and have 2 dc and it was very worth it.

I truly never thought anything serious would come of it either to start because of the distance. But I figured no reason not to enjoy things while they lasted! Turns out they’ve lasted much longer than I ever imagined! Give it a try, I think, if you think he’s a nice guy. You never know, do you?

Oh, it's so good reading these positive experiences.

His dad told him he thought it was too far!

I guess we're both at an age and stage (early 40s and 50s) where neither of us want to miss out on the chance of something if it could be good.

I was in a LDR with DP for 3 years. Not as far as you but I worked some weekends and he didn't drive for the first year so we were visiting every 4-6 weeks. Increased to more like every 2-4 weeks when he could drive.
We still don't live that close so stick to just weekends.

I think it's fine as long as you are the sort of person who is trusting, secure and don't need much reassurance. It was really good for me as I am quite emotionally detached and can't deal with being smothered or having too much reliance upon me. So a slow burn was good.

I'm not sure I could have done it for 10 years- we will be moving in together after 5. But if I had kids I would probably feel the same as you. Are either of you in a position to consider relocating in a few years, maybe?
Another difference is that we already knew one another very well (friends from school)so that probably helped with things like trusting one another. If you are strangers to start with then it may take a long time before you feel you really know one another if you've only met up 20 times in 2 years, for example.

I think it's fine as long as you are the sort of person who is trusting, secure and don't need much reassurance. It was really good for me as I am quite emotionally detached and can't deal with being smothered or having too much reliance upon me.

Yeah, I'm similar. Hence other relationships with more local men not having worked out!

I'd happily relocate.

I met someone who was working in my city 3 days a week. That was all good for the beginning of the relationship, then he stopped working here and it was really crap - not helped by various other things which I won't go into as they are too identifying. But by that time I was properly emotionally invested. It's all coming to an end now as there is no way forward (neither of us have children still at home so in a slightly different situation to you). But based on my experience I absolutely would never be in a LDR again