How soon is too soon to date

[Abouttomakeanerror]

Married 12 years, separated and living apart for 6m.

It's reasonable for either or both parties to see other people without mentioning it, isn't it?

If no kids will be involved for a long while then no, you don't have to mention it.
It's different for everyone and it depends on the split as well.
It took me a year to feel like myself again after being cheated on.
But if it had run it's course and was pretty amicable then 6 months is plenty of time.

they say it takes 2 years post divorce/separation to feel like yourself again

in fact, I watched one of these programmes on dating agencies that said they wouldn't take anyone till 2 years post divorce

always takes a bit of time to 'grow' yourself again

but you can see people any time you like, 1 day after separation if you want. V different if they are going to meet the kids though (I think)

There's no set time, do it when it feels right, just be careful about rushing into things and like the others have said be mindful if there's kids involved.

My H started seeing someone six months after we (fairly amicably) separated. I still don’t feel anywhere near ready after 18 months.

I think it depends on your circumstances, in a relationship for 17 yrs but he was seeing someone else as soon as we split, it took this to make me realize that we had been living like brother and sister for years. Met my now husband a few months later and 2yrs later we were married 🙂

I don't think there's any set rule, only you know what's right. I split with my ex a few months ago and I'm dabbling with a few dates now, but I think the relationship was over in my head for a lot longer and I'm finding dating to be an interesting medium to rediscover myself.

I started seeing someone 6 months after, told ex because I thought it would be ethical, he gave me a mouthful about how it was soon and didn't I care.

Turned out he'd also been seeing someone.

If there aren't children, whenever you like. Just be aware you carry issues around for a long time.

I started dating a few months after I split with my exh. But for the last four years of our marriage it was like I was single so when I moved out I had done all my grieving etc.

I don't think there's a set rule. You're separated, whenever you feel up for it again I suppose

There are children but they wouldn't be getting involved, entirely on own time

Not very amicable, one party has already long grieved and is ready to move on but the other party still wants to reconcile

Marriage is irretrievably broken down

I eft ex well over a year ago now, and I'm giving myself another 6 months to get myself into shape physically for my health, and then I'm going to look at dating again. DCs (mid to late teens) are actually egging me on.

Mentally I'm ready, I just want to work on my physically shape, which I let go while with ex due to feeling crap and comfort eating. I feel so much better now, and I won't be getting those put downs I used to get when I was feeling good.....

I think if someone feels ready for dating, then dating is probably the only way you'd know if you were ready. Keeping DCs out of it, initially, though.

Excellent, thank you.

I have been offered a date (or two ) and don't want to look like I'm rushing. But I spent at least a year trying to get out of a dead marriage, I'm not on the rebound, just ready for a bit of fun and some adult company. I know stbxh will be extremely displeased but that's no longer my responsibility

I think it depends on the individual. It took me 2 years after separating to feel ready to start looking and the first person I dated was my current, lovely DP (over 6 years together now).

I think it took me so long because ex-h and I had been together for over 20 years and I need to live alone, rebuild my life and get my self-esteem back as a single woman. I'm glad I did that because I'd never put up with any of ex-h's shit again from another bloke

I agree that it depends on the individual. Personally I waited two years before joining a dating site and feeling as though I was ready to move on and meet someone new. Met someone few months ago who I really clicked with and had some lovely dates with. Even started to have feelings for. Didn’t tell him btw. Later turned out that he didn’t feel ready for dating and didn’t know whether he ever would. Please think about whether you are ready for dating or just need an ego boost. Seen lots of men on dating sites (and probably women do too) who have recently split from their exes and I wonder if they are ready.

I'm going to see someone but it's not a stranger, and it's definitely not likely to be a LTR. But appears suitable for a test run

I guess there are two potential approaches here. You’re right that it’s not your stbxh’s business, but it would clearly be kinder (on one level) not to rub his nose in it.

Presumably he was sailing along thinking all was fine (or at least that the marriage wasn’t about to break up / was fixable) and if he still thinks / hopes there’s a chance to reconcile then knowing you’ve dated is going to feel like a kicking.

On the other hand, if he isn’t moving on because he thinks it’s retrievable, knowing you’re dating again might be the catalyst he needs to give up that idea. Ripping the plaster off and all that.

Don’t know what to suggest. On balance probably not worth the drama if you’re just scratching an itch.

I don't wish to cause drama or hurt the ex, just not sure of the usual protocol really. This is the first time I have broken up with someone who I'll have to interact with regularly I guess