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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What to do.

2 replies

Osokka · 14/12/2018 00:06

I split up with my partner of five years, six months ago, It wasn't an easy five years but there were some happy times.
In the last six months I've got my self a good job and a house and tried to improve my life. The problem is I can't seem to lose the ex he wanted to stay friends so I agreed but it's seems like he still thinks were together. He texts non stop all day he expects me to spend all my free time with him and I feel suffocated. I know hes suffering from depression and anxiety and is not very well so I feel bad for him and try and help him, he keeps telling me im the only one that he has that will listen and help him.
The problem is I've met a really nice bloke that has asked me out on a date and I really want to go but now i feel as guilty as hell about my ex. I will have to lie about were im going as he will expect me to spend the evening with him as it's my night off and according to him I will have nothing better to do.
I am so confused I feel sorry for him but I just want my life back or am I being selfish due to him not being well and needing me.

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 14/12/2018 00:17

Op - you either split up or you didnt. You need to decide it in your head first.
And his issues aren’t yours.
Be a friend to him as much as you can, but don’t put your life on hold, unless you want to get back with the Ex.
Go out with the new guy. And tell Ex a white lie to start with.
Then, if things start progressing - tell him you started dating.

jessstan2 · 14/12/2018 00:25

I feel for you. I felt guilty about an ex (many years ago) for a while too and he was a nice chap but we were just not right for each other. He went into a decline for a while but he did get over it and move on - yours will too.

Bless both of you and your new chap. You're a nice person to care so much, some people are really callous in break ups. It's always so much easier, in the long run, when the other person breaks up with you. I'd rather be dumped any day than be dumped! Not at first of course.

This will pass, I promise you. No advice, you have to live through it.
Flowers for you and Wine for your ex.

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