I prefer my niece to my nephew! Feel so guilty!

[Didyeeaye]

So I have two sisters. One that I was raised with that I'm not particularly close to and a half sister I met a 18months ago who is desperate for us to be close.
I also have a niece 3 from full sister and nephew 9 from half sister (as well as 18 year old niece who isn't relevant in this story)
Anyhow I've arranged to take my niece to see Santa at a wonderland type event with my DS who is 4. Problem is half sister is now upset as I never want to spend time with my nephew. He is 9 so I thought too old for Santa? Plus it is easier to have two wee ones close in age rather than a bored 9 year old who just wants his Xbox.
Admittedly I know this is a clear preference for my niece and I feel guilty!

There's a crucial difference between your internal preferences and how you treat people. People will often prefer one person over another, but treating them equally takes some emotional heavy lifting. Good luck... I hope you can work it out!

Thank you for the reply showmeshoyu
I know it's unfair on him and I need to try and work harder at the relationship but tbh I'm not sure he enjoys spending time with us either. Ive took them both to swimming etc and he gets annoyed at DS and complains he is bored.

But 9 isn’t too old for Santa and an older child with wee ones is way easier than extra wee ones... so...

And surely if you weren’t sure if it wasn’t age appropriate you ask?

You're right tabulahrasa I should of asked.
Tbh I kind of feel like my half sister would make him come but he wouldn't want to. Although I could be wrong but I got that impression the past couple times we have taken him out.

My Niece calls me Auntie Christy and nephew still calls me Christine so I think he may also be struggling with the building a bond. Any tips on helping form a relationship?x

Is there anything you can bond over? If you keep trying and he doesn't engage, at least you tried. Unless you can bond over XBOX games? Difficult, I know.

9 isn’t too old for santa at all. Why not just book another session and take your dn with you? If not possible then I suggest you go again with your dn. you will never build a bond with him if you treat him like this.

I don't think you are being unfair actually. You mention this half sister has only been in the picture for 18 months. Does she have any other full siblings?
It sounds like she is jealous of you and your sisters relationship. If you have had a deep bond with your little neice since birth but have only known 9 year old nephew for a short while, it is what it is.
I would very calmly tell new sister that you would be happy to take nephew out on suitable days out, e.g. theme park in the summer but please don't apologise for spending time with your neice.

Just invite them along/around, and it's up to him and his mum to decide then?

I don't think you did anything wrong. It is early days in your relationship with your half sister and her son. She seems to be pushing for 'equal rights' but you are all still getting to know each other.

My DSis believed until she was 13. Just sayin'.

Ask your half sister if he still believes?

None of the children / young people in our family call adults Aunt or Uncle, they just use people's first names. I think what you are called does not equate to the strength of the relationship.

When I was about your nephew's age, I was sometimes looked after by my auntie, who had DS and DD, younger than me. Partly because she was the generation who saw slightly older children as more of an "extra pair of hands" than "younger child needing entertainment", I was drafted into the "big sister" role on trips, praised for being such a great "second-in command" and given a role and status I enjoyed, as an only child.
In my teaching days, I sometimes found that older pupils would secretly rather hanker after things that they felt they were really too big and "cool" for, but with the excuse of doing things "for the sake of the younger ones" and being "such a terrific help" they actually quite enjoyed a mild bit of regression, as long as they didn't feel patronised, and, importantly, got some time at their own level as well.
The appearance of boredom may be defensive, partly awkwardness because he doesn't know you as well.
You can't help how you feel instinctively, but you can make a conscious effort to behave well towards him.

But you’ve only known your nephew for 18 months and you’ve known your niece her whole life.
I think it’s natural to feel closer to your niece. If you want to get closer to your nephew that’s great but your relationship with him needs to start from where you are, not pretending.

There is no way my son would have wanted to sit on Santa’s knee at 9! I would have assumed the same as you.

Thank you for the replies. Mixed responses. I appreciate everyone sharing their view. No he doesnt believe in Santa and hasn't shown any interest in 'helping out' just annoyance at DS being slow or crying. I feel guilty but not sure how to best to bond with him.
Tbh my half sister has only spent a couple of afternoons with my DS taking him to a trampoline park with her son and to sort play a year ago so I'm not sure what is expected. How often do people see their own DNs?

Are you able offer to baby sit 9 year old on his own so you can get to know him in his own house