lonely and and feel manipulated by family among many things

[FabulousGuineaPig]

Hi. I don't know if I should be here because I'm not a mum. I'm single and 46 but I have nobody to talk to. I live on my own and get benefits for long term health problem. I feel life is passing me by. I've never even had a boyfriend and I feel trapped. A long time ago I moved back to my home city after university and lived with my parents as a temporary measure but all I could get was temporary work in call centres. Eventually that dried up too. At the same time I developed a bowel condition. Which has needed a number of operations. It was life changing. I wanted to move away but my mum in particular who is very clingy basically did everything to stop me by basically emotionally manipulating me. My dad did too. Even though I had no job security life living with them was so intolerable I moved into a rented 1 bedroom flat and hoped it would be temporary while I got my medical problem fixed. For various reasons too complex to go into in a short post I hope that never happened. I could still get no work in anything as this is a depressed area and due to my health condition too I got more and more in a rut and down about it to the point where my problems mean I couldn't work anyway. I have seen my potential career vanish along with social life and everything really. There seems to be no light at the and of the tunnel. as I write I've been waiting 6 months for more major surgery, I didn't sleep at all last night as I don't half the time and I have spent all day alone and isolated. I feel cut off from life.I went round to my see my parents today. They are now 75 and 80 and are the only people I see most days. They live in a mess in a state of inertia as they have for decades. When I say to them when I get my problems sorted (if they ever do) I want to move away at least for a while they bring out all the clinginess and manipulation.

Jesus, that is rough.

Okay, first off: get ruthless about your parents. Yes, they're your parents and you we them respect but that's IT. You do NOT owe them your life.

Now: shake things the hell up. 46 is young. No kids, no partner? Sounds like there's a little money available (since you were to move to a flat). EMBRACE YOUR FREEDOM.

Move to a town you've always fancied. You will find work, employment is high and you have a university degree.

thanks waytoearly. I love my parents and we are close but I don't think they should be doing this to their children. The employment situation here is bad unless you are qualified as something but they have never seemed to get it and the situation I'm in. they were health care professionals so it never affected them. When ever I've said I don't want to live here they've sapped my confidence in my idea by saying things like, that's a stupid idea, you're running away from your problems, what about your flat, you've got a lovely flat (it's not that great), we don't want you to go. we'll be lost without you .It feels like they have me where they want me.
The other problem has become my health problems and I don't think I could cope at the moment with a full time job so I'll have to get that improved.

I think your first priority needs to be finding work. It will boost your confidence and reduce your isolation. It doesn't have to be full-time - perhaps you could do some hours in a shop, cafe or bar? I know that is not skilled work and you have a degree, but working as anything is better than not working and is a start. Or if you are not in a position to do that right now, what about volunteer opportunities? That could be done in the hours you have available and can give you skills and references.

That sounds like like psychological abuse. In any event, not helpful yo you.

Limit yourself to once-a-week visits for the. Sunday lunch or whatever. Pleasantly brush off any complaints they make about this. You're busy.

You need a qualification to get the kind of job you want? Get a qualification. Choose a course starting in January and sign up now.

Nothing wrong with running away from your problems!

Thanks for your advice. I am currently looking for volunteer work to give me references. I have applied for unskilled part time jobs but not even got them one problem being lack of work references. I'm also going to see my parents less.