Get spark back

[Endofmyteather2206]

Me and my partner have been back together 6 months now after we separated earlier in the year. The reason for the separation was that my partner had met some one else. I know that nothing had happened before the break up apart from texting but a week after they were going out and having sex ( I found this out after we got back together ) . Any way after weeks of trying to win my partner back we decided that we should make another go of things.

Since we have been back together we have had sex maybe 10 times which in my eyes is not a lot and it’s now been a month since we last slept together. We dont really get a lot of free time to spend together due to the kids and work.

I feel that when my partner met the other person it will have been all excitement as it always is in a new relationship and wanting sex. But with me it’s seems that there is no real interest. We have been together a long time and the sex was great at the start but as years go by it slows down.

I guess my question is what can I do to make things interesting again and get that spark back ? I don’t want to be moaning at my partner all the time as I don’t think this is attractive.

OP - I don’t know how to say it any other way - but - what you describe isn’t a relationship that is likely to last, unless some kind of big change happens.
You partner clearly was after new sexual experiences and left for that.
You did the pick-me dance. He came back.

But - the lack of sex in your relationship to me sounds alarm bells.
He must have been on a hi of new sexual partner - when he came back to you. For most people that leads to a surge in libido.
And if he gave her up - then where does that sexual energy go?
Are you sure he really gave her up?

And if he is suppressing it, then it won’t last forever. He will seek new sexual partners.

So - I don’t have a solution. But some major kick in your sex life is needed to re-start your relationship.
Probably need to start with an honest communication about that - what he’d find attractive, what fantasies you or he have.
And - if you are open to it - maybe some non-conventional approaches as well. Expanding your horizons - which can mean anything - from new underwear, to positions, to toys, etc.

I’m sure that the brief fling is over as the other man is back with his partner. I do think that an honest talk about our sex life is the way forward I just don’t want to come across as needy. We have done all the sex toys and dressing up in the past so that’s not a problem. I guess I just want to feel wanted after what happened with the other person.

Have you heard of Esthel Perel - she does talks (YouTube) and has a great book The State of Affairs.
She works with couples in your situation.

She says - after an affair - your old relationship has ended and new one needs to be built.
And it requires both to be open about what they need and want.
She also talks about reasons people stray and various ways different couples deal with it.
It’s quite intersting - can give you some ideas on how to re-build.

If you’re sure that this is what you really want and it’s not just the familiarity of it all.. then just get stuck in.

You need to get comfortable with eachother again. It’s a refresh. You both need to be honest about what you like and want. Even talking is sometimes enough to rekindle that closeness that’s been lost.

Don’t underestimate the power of the side eye in a public place

Really hope you get what you want from this