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Original poster

How long till 'I love you'?

44 replies

userofthiswebsite · 12/12/2018 22:39

Just curious, how long would you say is normal, before telling the boyfriend/girlfriend that you love them?
Would it be six months or nine months or a year after the first date or...?
I appreciate there is no 'correct' answer so just looking for opinions.

OP posts:
TastelesslyDone · 12/12/2018 23:16

I was three weeks.

That was 17 years ago.

headinhands · 12/12/2018 23:25

About 6ish weeks.

MMmomDD · 12/12/2018 23:27

I’d think it depends on when you realise it. And your ability to talk about it.

I used to have strong and complex emotions. And never could tell when it’s love and when it’s not quite that...
So - I never said it to anyone. For many many years.

I am an extreme case, obviously.
But the point is - there isn’t a guideline.
Also - if someone tells it to you too soon - before they know the real you - i’d Not believe it.

Anyat212 · 13/12/2018 00:15

I’m with headinhands I was about 6 weeks, almost 7 and half years ago.

Just when it feels right really, I don’t think there necessarily needs to be a timescale on it though.

Orange6904 · 13/12/2018 00:22

Don't think there can be a right answer to this, after a few weeks I'd wonder how much you know someone to love them though.

Armchairanarchist · 13/12/2018 00:23

Couple of months, that was 24 years ago.

sizzledrizz · 13/12/2018 00:29

Probably a year. But I have intimacy issues, and feel it long before I actually say it. Never the first to say it either. In fact when my first husband told me he loved me after around six months I went awol for three weeks. I'm probably not the average

oiiiiiii · 13/12/2018 01:02

Exdh it was three months.

Dp it was well over a year. Although about three months after making it "official". I was and remain gun shy.

LellyMcKelly · 13/12/2018 04:23

About 3 months.

Limpshade · 13/12/2018 05:14

Probably a few months with DH - 3 or 4? I've said it to previous partners earlier than that but then none of those relationships ended well Grin

safetyfreak · 13/12/2018 05:37

4/5 months. I said it back after 6 months.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 13/12/2018 06:22

Three days.

We've been married 12 years now.

TooOldForThis67 · 13/12/2018 07:37

I got 9mths into a relationship and didn't feel it, I really wanted to but just didn't. I ended the relationship partly because of that. He didn't say or feel it either, he'd say if 'love is' caring for someone, thinking about them all the time then yes. It wasn't enough for me. I want to really feel it if that makes sense!

VietnameseCrispyFish · 13/12/2018 08:19

It’s never been more than three months for me. Generally about 6-8 weeks. Not under any illusion it’s a guaranteed deep long lasting love, but it’s genuine, and I’ve never been proved wrong.

Whereas I’ve dated some guys for a few months and just known I don’t feel it and had no urge to say it at all.

The best time to say it is when you’ve both been feeling it for a while (usually the ‘omg I think I love them, surely I can’t do soon, do they feel the same!?’) and then just can’t stop yourself. My current OH said it after eight weeks with his head in his hands cos he worried it was too soon and I’d run, little did he realise I felt the exact same way and said it right back.

With love, when you know, you know. You might later find out you were just infatuated, but on the whole it’s such a powerful all consuming urge it’s impossonle to mistake for anything else. I’ve dated guys I knew four months in i’d never love and then ended it, and guys where within the first few dates I was already aware I could grow to love them if things carried on how they were going.

GOODCAT · 13/12/2018 08:34

Can't remember but at least 18 months in.

fantasmasgoria1 · 13/12/2018 08:47

For us it happened on the second date! It's been 2 years now and we love each other very deeply. We just knew that we were right for each other.

dilly123 · 13/12/2018 09:32

Wouldn't say I think there is a time line but my worry is scaring him off... been together 5 months but history dating back 5 years.. in those 5 years he's shown himself to be quite cut off emotionally due to various issues I now know & fully understand. He's a very different person this time round & so too am I.. I'm far more independent & less needy. Our relationship is more balanced, happier, more affectionate but I'm holding back on the L word until he says it.. I have probably been in love with him for 5 years but due to our past I'm scared to say it.. well aware he might not feel the same or ever say it!! HmmConfused

IdblowJonSnow · 13/12/2018 09:40

I've said things like, "I feel like I love you but it's very soon" before. The last time was to my now husband within about 3 weeks of meeting and that was 13 years ago. We tried to be cautious but I knew I was deeply in love really. Smile

Fashionista101 · 13/12/2018 09:59

You could do the really mature thing and mouth elephant poo instead I did not do this

sar302 · 13/12/2018 09:59

My husband said it after 5 weeks, four and a half years ago.
We were already friends first, so I sort of knew he would be the one. But I think it was too early. You don't love someone after 5 weeks! Definitely not the way we love each other now. It's all hormones and chemistry at that point!

proudmummywife · 13/12/2018 10:00

About 6 months. I was always a closed book and not affectionate towards anyone ever. With my dh I felt the need for hugs and to be close. He loved me before that but didn't say it because he knew I'd have shut down and went all off with him.
Got to the stage I wanted to say it but I couldn't quite bring myself to say it. It was all I could think about and it was bursting inside me so I spat it out and he smiled and said he knows you do and i love you too 😅

ForTheLoveOfDoughnuts · 13/12/2018 10:26

10 mothers from seeing each other... 8 months from when we got together officially. Been together 4 years. We've known each other/been friends for about 9 years now.

VietnameseCrispyFish · 13/12/2018 11:02

Wouldn't say I think there is a time line but my worry is scaring him off... been together 5 months but history dating back 5 years.. in those 5 years he's shown himself to be quite cut off emotionally due to various issues I now know & fully understand

One major life lesson I wish I’d known earlier is that if you ever get the sense that being true to yourself or asking for what you want will ‘scare someone off’, DO IT! If someone is that easily scared off then it’s better to know ASAP, so you can move on. Hanging around indefinitely pussyfooting around just wastes your time as he’s unlikely to change. If after five months together and knowing one another for five years you’re scared to say you love him for fear of him bolting I think you know deep down he’s just not as into you as you are him, sadly. When a man is into you and loves you you certainly won’t be scared of scaring him off.

NorthEndGal · 13/12/2018 11:06

9 days in.
We've been together now 24 years, married for 29

NorthEndGal · 13/12/2018 11:06

Married for 20*