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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Divorce- husband making it hard

4 replies

Minnah88 · 12/12/2018 18:40

Hi
I would like some advice in what to do, maybe someone has gone through the same as me, I have asked my husband for divorce he didn't take it really well and first got really angry and blaming me for everything even said that I have used him all this years, and said he was gonna take me to court to get full custody of the kids. We have been together for 10 years and married for 5, got two kids, 8 and 3. He is a really good dad and not a really bad person, but after finding out he cheated on me when I was pregnant and also bringing one of his ex home when I wasn't in the house said they didn't do anything they talked because he was feeling down! When I go out he gets angry and tells me I don't love him I don't love the kids I'm spending money so I stopped going out I used go out every other month, I don't go out out I don't even drink alcohol, sometimes I like to have dinner with my friends. When his angry he gets aggressive and sometimes I even get scared, he calls me names and I just got to the point where I can't do it anymore, we have tried make it work for the past 2 years but is not point carry on because I don't love him anymore. We have a mortgage together, his not leaving the house and thats fine by me because is his house as well, I'm sleeping on the sofa, I have asked him if we can book a day where we can sort out and starting putting the house for sale and he completely ignores me, so it will be a very long process, sometimes he texts begging me not leave to think about the kids etc etc, but I'm so unhappy with him,and It would work better if we were only friends. Problem is I don't want to sleep in the sofa for the rest of my life and he told me if I get a place for me I still need to pay for the mortgage and I can't afford to pay for 2 places. I'm a bit lost in what to do ? Anyone have any advice or gone through the same?
Thanks in advance

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 12/12/2018 18:47

OP - you need to get a solicitor and go through a formal process for divorce.
He doesn’t seem like a person who would just negotiate with you. So don’t lose your breath.
And don’t agree or offer anything - like moving out of the house, etc.
He is just bullying you, and most likely will drag his feet.

So - first step - solicitor!. I’d you have access to money - make sure you have enough trouble pay for a good one.

Notacluethisxmas · 12/12/2018 18:50

I could have written your post 2 years ago.

Even down to your husbands behaviour.

Usual advice on mn is to not move out. I did. I was lucky enough to have a friend who could put me and the kids up. I did still pay the mortgage. By bank transfer clearly labelled.
My ex said he would give me a divorce blah blah blah. In reality he met someone and got engaged within 8 months.

We now share the kids 60:40 in my favour. And my Dp moves in with me next week. The divorce is done. I got a mortgage and have a small house in a less diserible area and have never been happier.

Expect the worst from him, so you are prepared. Make notes of his behaviour and file for divorce asap on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. You have it listed here.

If you can't move, the quicker the divorce goes through, the better

caringcarer · 12/12/2018 19:13

My ex was totally unreasonable. He had an affair then when i found out and told him i wanted a divorce he tried to poison children against me "Mummy is being mean to me and won't let me stay with you" etc. He told me if i divorced him he would spend the rest of his life making me miserable. He has tried to do that. Get legal advice. Do not leave home. Do not discuss with him. Leave it to your solicitor and get all communication in writing. If you have joint bank account with your salary going into it open your own bank account. This is important as it stops your dh from emptying your bank account as mine did. Divorce on ground of irretrievable differences as hard to prove adultery. Good luck.

Maelstrop · 12/12/2018 22:51

Get a bed and put it in the kids' room, don't suffer on the sofa. Get proper legal advice.

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