Adult chat site (sorry long op)

[onechild]

Ok
i thought me and dp were open with each other and could tell each other anything, it now appears to be different i was at a friends hen night/ann summers party saturady evening, he was left at home with 1yo dd he had the option to take her to my moms but chose not to.
This morning i have turned laptop on the int start up page is his email normally i look at them if he is expecting something and asked me to this am an email caught my eye, Adultfreiends.com so looked at the email he set profile and everything was quiet upset and sickened by this he phoned to tell me he had forgotten his phones! he asked if we had any post told him he had email from them he said he would have to look at it later cause he hasnt set it up!
If he hasnt set it up how has he been sent username and password and set up a profile.
Thought he was acting strange with me yesterday that explains everything!

Oh dear

I experienced similar with my dh last year so Im not sure if my experience will make you feel better tbh

How long have you been together? have you ever had cause to be suspicious before?

We been together 4years, He said when i asked him on the phone that he hasnt set this up i have been on his profile logged in with his details his profile says wants to meet couples for descreet relationships, im a fun person who wants to have fun so if your fun get in touch (not exact to that effect though)
I havent had cause for concern before just this bothering me as he been very edgy just lately claimed it was money trouble location we live etc etc soo confused

It looks like he's set it up to meet 'couples' for discreet relationships?

Have I understood that right?

Is this some sort of fantasy he wants to act out but feels he can't talk to you about? i.e. the 'couples' part?

Or do you think it is simply that he is looking to have an affair behind your back?

Sorry you are going through this

hi onechild. what a terrible situation for you. i would find it hard to believe that this site would know all his details in order to set this up without his knowledge tbh...but saying that could it be that he is just acting out a fantasy? lots of men do this type of thing and never follow it through. you say he was acting strange yesterday so it would seem he knows what he has done is wrong. i really think you need to sit him down and talk to him.. he would also have to change his e'mail address as the site will mail him endlessly now! tell him it will be difficult for you to move on from this if he keeps denying he signed up. i wish you all the best

thanx elesbells am going to see if my mom will have dd whilst i talk to him, tink it was mor th shock rather than any thing else that made me upset

Before you do anything drastic, ask yourself this: does you DH have any mates with a malicious sense of humour? Because, if you know someone's email address it is perfectly possible to set them up an account on a site like this without them knowing about it.
Agree you probably need to have a good chat with your DH though and see what you think is really going on. Is he, perhaps, intersted in swinging? And if he is, how would you feel about getting involved in that?

I dont think it was a mate as it is the password and username he uses for all his accounts so he wouldnt have given that info out! if it had been left as standard password thwey sent him yes it could of been but it has been changed,
And as for the swinging me an dp have already discussed this between us previously!

onechild i find it interesting that he didnt use a different password/username..especially as he knows you know them..did he want you to find it perhaps? if things it that department hav'nt been good lately it may well have been his way of shocking you! some men do go about it in odd ways!!

it me that seems to be making all the effort i that department!! he seems to have gone off me (sounds silly but true) asked him about it again on his lunch time call said he would look at it when he gets home he saying someone else must of done it! dont see who would have done it using his password and username?
How do i check the history? never done that before!

i know that you can check chat logs ect if you click start and go to search then click files/folders and enter his username it will show if he has been in chat rooms. dont know how to check site history tho!

At the top of the screen where you see favorites, search etc you should see an icon that looks like a clock with an arrow circling it anticlockwise, click for history. This will give you the most info but....

If that doesn't work, click start and select 'search for files then enter keyword 'cookies'. This should give you all the sites he's been on. While there look out for site names like cookiemonster or the like. They're sites used to erase (or something like that) other sites from the history which would indicate there's something to hide.

FWIW, I once assumed I had all the 'evidence' I needed to end a relationship so did. Turned out I couldn't have been more wrong. Suggest 'talking', it's very under-rated!!!

Best of luck.

I checked but coulnt see that particular site but hes comp whizz so easier for him to get rid of!
will talk to him later!

Talk to him first! No one likes to be spied on and have their privacy invaded - and snoopingthrough someone's computer is just as bad as reading their letters and listening in on their phone calls. I know there is a school of thought that suggests constant spying and snooping is the way to 'protect' a monogamous relationship but I think it's deeply inadvisable. You cannot force someone to remain monogamous, and someone who is not decieving you will begin to resent you for the spying, whereas someone who is decieving you will either leave ofr find more efficient ways of doing so. Give your DP the benefit of the doubt at least until you've given him the chance to explain.