End of marriage

[littlemisssunshine18]

Hi all, just wondering if anyone can give me some examples of when they knew their marriage was over? I've been married 10years now and I think things have come to an end. I actually feel it in the bottom of my stomach.,
Please, when did you know?

I knew when I found out for sure he had cheated on me.
Deal breaker. The end!

What has been going on that makes you feel like it's the end for you?

A few reasons really

• Didn't come to our final ante-natal class as wanted to get his head together but in reality was phoning my best friend trying to convince her that they had a future together (discovered call via the phone bill). Oh and then made me lie to my class that he had to work that evening.
• I found a receipt in the bin for an expensive gold necklace the week after I'd given birth. It wasn't for me. He tried to give it to my best friend but she wouldn't have it (she was very loyal to me).
• He visited my friend with a huge bouquet of red roses and said necklace and told her that he was coming to live with her and that I'd already agreed that he would split himself between us (she phoned and told me while he was on his way back home after she'd sent him off with a flea in his ear!). I didn't say a word on his return as I knew that he would make it her fault in that she was chasing him!!!

Despite all this the marriage limped on for another 18 months while I bolstered his career (huge in his eyes but actually non existent) and covered up his mistakes (lie to family) and acted like a lovely happy family. In the end my DB took me to lunch and said that enough was enough and that me and DS were coming to live with him. This was after DH had broken his hand punching the wall beside my head (it wasn't DV though as he says he never actually hit me) and he made me lie to the hospital and everyone else about how it happened - apparently it was an accident where he'd dropped the car seat on it. DB was convinced that he'd kill me and I walked away with nothing.
We'd been together for 12 years and had nothing in common. I dreaded him coming home and he sucked all the joy out of my life, ruined my pregnancy and put me in the position where I had to return to work when DS was 12 weeks old. Somehow I ended up paying for everything and all his money was his to do with as he wished.
Hope this helps?

I'd have booted him out a long time ago. What a horrible man.

He's hit on your friend, lied and you have nothing in common. Get out. You are only prolonging the inevitable.

It's actually a little concerning you don't seem to see his behaviour for how appalling it is. He's vile.

When I discovered his affair I offered him that if he stopped seeing her immediately and agreed to counselling then I'd give the marriage another go.

He said he didn't want to upset her and blatantly carried on seeing her. He wanted to stay married to me too and thought I was being unreasonable when I told him our marriage was over.

Still makes me fume now and that was over 3 years ago!

Shallow I don't think that's the OP.
It's a response.

When you start imagining them having a accident at work or dropping dead! Then imagine you would feel guilty for the sympathy you would get... or looking at the patio/ freezer!

Thanks hellsbellsmellons. Apologies.

Well I'm hoping it's a response!?
It does look like the OP until the very last sentence.

I think I knew it was over, when I felt there was no longer any point arguing with him or talking to him about any of it - we'd just go in the same circle.

Ha ha! No I'm not the OP Hellsbells. I didn't word the reply very well.
Although when you look at it, a lot of our stories are scarily familiar!

I divorced my very own fuckwit as described above 18 years ago and wife number 2 has now had the pleasure of his fuckwittery for the last 12 years. I don't know how she does it because she's actually very nice.
Anyway OP he also

• never put anyone else above his own needs
• never bought me a present that I didn't buy myself - always very small & under a tenner
• made me sleep in the bath when I had a cough or was ill so that I didn't disturb his precious sleep
• always tried to sleep with any friends that I had unless he thought them ugly or too independent
• made me ditch my male best friend because he'd probably infect me with HIV (this was 1987) and then threatened to have him 'done over' if he didn't leave me alone (not same BF as when pregnant who was female btw!)
• always bought me carnations as he liked them. No other flower as they were his favourite..... and cheap. I hate carnations.
• could never admit he was wrong even with proof
• put me in the position where I had to rehome my cat after DS was born. I had a baby and he was no longer centre of attention so he'd scream & shout at the cat so much that I felt that the cat was in danger.
• he constantly made me feel on edge and I was always second guessing what he wanted me to say or do. I was ALWAYS wrong.
• he would always at talk at me not to me so that I felt less than human and unworthy of him. He was doing me a favour by taking me on and would tell me that he'd saved me from a bad life.
• oh and when we went to Relate to try and fix our marriage, he told the counsellor that he'd never loved me and I was a waste of space... and deranged (?). He then moaned all the way home that I'd paid the nice lady £20 and that I'd been ripped off. It was the best £20 I'd spent in some time as it clarified a lot and 'woke' me up.

I really should have kept the cat and rehomed the 'D'H. On a good point, I have been with my current DP for 20yrs and he's nothing like my exh. DS was damaged by ex for a long time but he's now a balanced adult who sees his DF as he really is which is the best revenge I think!

Sorry that was very long. Also have been with DP 18yrs not 20!
It's horrific reading now I look back but it was my normal. He'd separated me from my family so I couldn't see it was wrong. He made out that my family had dumped me and that I only had him.

What is going on with you OP? How is your relationship & why are you asking for our experiences on how or why our relationships ended? I only knew that it was really bad when my DB rescued me & DS and gave us an alternative to exh's hell.

He went away for a week (to shag someone else as it turned out) and it was the happiest, least stressful week I could remember since the very early days of our marriage.