Family arguments - keeping everyone happy...

[Babytuition]

Hello all, if am looking to mumsnetter's for a bit of advice (note I am a father, so technically shouldnt be on mumsnet . Basically to cut a long story short there has been a bit of a family feud between my parents & me and my partner, which has made my partner feel attacked and upset by the whole situation.

We were due to go on a Christmas day out in a couple of weekends time, but understandably my partner does not want to go on it. It is our babies first Christmas and the reason I booked it was because i thought it would be nice to spend some time with the grandparents over the Christmas period.

I understand that I need to set more boundaries with my parents as my relationship with them has completely changed since our baby was born. And whilst I am angry and upset with them for how they treated my partner i am quite a forgiving person and want to give them the benefit of the doubt on this (as this is the first time they have ever done anything like this).

This leaves me in a tricky situation because my partner doesn't think i should go, but deep down I want to take him because its his first christmas and because for me I then wouldn't live in regret if anything bad was to happen to them. Also I see this as a mark in the sand and from this point forward I can set new boundaries and redefine the relationship I have with them.

Any help on how to handle this situation and keep everyone happy would be much appreciated....

Let me guess first child and first grandchild.
It sounds like your wife is insecure.

OP, your primary concern seems to be appeasement - you want to "keep the peace", "avoid a row", smooth things over, etc. You've decided to set boundaries with your parents, but seem to think this can start at some point in the future - this is a clean slate, let's all just get along.

Can I be blunt? You sound like drip. You just want everyone to get along because you are terrified of the alternative - which is for people to say what they honestly think and feel, and for you to have to actually face the situation.

We don't know who is in the right - but what do YOU think? Do you honestly think it's about a one off remark about toys, or do you think that it is sinething deeper? You say your parents have been "pushy" - are YOU happy about that?

I'm afraid you sound like you are terrified of upsetting your parents and so you are acting like a little child - trying to please everyone, pretending it's fine, begging for everyone to just be nice. I'm guessing (wildly) that your parents are controlling - of you, with the threat of hurt feelings and - let me guess - "up setting your mother".

Having as your goal "managing to avoid all uncomfortable feelings for everyone involved" is not realistic, OP. Instead you are going to have to be be an adult about what behaviour YOU are prepared to tolerate in the people around you.

Everything @SendintheArdwolves said ^