Feel miserable and stuck in my relationship

[Clo90]

I feel so miserable. I have a 6year old and a 7month old who are amazing. But I'm so miserable in my relationship with my partner. He's done so many hurtful things and after nearly 3 years of being together I'm really realising he isn't ever going to change. I have zero trust for him. He lies so much I've had enough.
He is so good with my daughter, she was 3 when we got together and he's brilliant with our son too. I don't doubt him in that sense but I'm sick of how he treats me.
I feel stuck because of the kids! I don't want to tare their family a part. I also dread how horrible he will be if i leave him.
I don't know what to do :(

I can't give you any advice - not got the experience and I'm sure another MNer will be along soon.

My thoughts though are that you probably do have options but
due to feeling miserable you can't see a way out. You are see it as you tearing your children's family apart but you're only having to consider your future together because of your partner and the state of your relationship. Leaving an unhappy relationship isn't a crime against your children. You have the right to be happy too.

If he's actually a good dad then he'll still be a good dad after you've separated.

Is he ACTUALLY a good dad, OP? As in:

• Takes time off work to look after them when they're sick
• Is happy to look after them without needing another adult on hand
• comforts them if they hurt themselves

-knows what they like to eat, what stories they like, who they play with, what size clothes they wear, etc

Unfortunately, on here I most often see "he's a great dad" to mean "likes to play with them a bit when it suits him" and finally boils down to "well, the kids adore him".

Newsflash : small children are programed to emotionally bond to the adults around them. A small child is NOT a good judge of character - just because the children love him doesn't make him a good dad.

He is NOT a good dad if he treats you, the mother of his children, like this. If there is no trust there is no relationship.

Women in poor relationships often write the good dad comment anyway when they themselves can write nothing positive about their man. You have done this in your post.

Staying for the children is never a good idea because it teaches them that your relationship was based on a lie and it’s a terribly heavy burden to place upon them. Is this really the relationship model you want your children to potentially act out as adults themselves. You would not want this for them as adults and it is not a good enough relationship for you either. Do not do your bit here to keep on showing them that this abusive treatment of you is acceptable to you on some level. The children may love him but they are no real judges of character here.

He is responsible for his children going forward and should pay maintenance for his children, he has no financial obligation to you.

Women’s aid are worth contacting and they can help you leave too.