Tips from those who survived marriage breakdown

[Grobag369]

Anyone who has been through this and got to the other side any tips on what helped?

More information needed . You don't say if this is your own marriage , what sort of breakdown , and what do you mean by surviving ? Some survive by leaving, some survive by staying. Some clarification would be helpful.

Ok, just been through this. My separation was amicable and pretty civilised, which I imagine makes a huge difference. Still doesn’t mean it was in any way easy.

My main practical tip is that you take over control of the house accounts and schedule. By that I don’t mean bank accounts (of course finances are hugely important but a different issue here) but things like accounts with utility companies etc, things that you need to keep on top of to keep the house running. I’ll be honest and say that my husband had done all of that in the past and I wasn’t even fully aware of the extent of what needed taking care of but I soon learnt and not only was it a practical skill, it made me feel useful and empowered to think i was taking care of business. I was running the house on my own pretty quickly and doing practical stuff focused my mind and didn’t give me much time for wallowing.

From an emotional perspective, I think it’s vitally important to cut yourself some slack. It’s alright to be upset and bewildered and it will take time to get used to the “new normal” but trust me when I say you will feel better and you will get used to your new life.

Good luck OP

Sorry.
Yes anyone who has had their own marriage end, not through their own choice and survived the pain of it when he has already left and moved on.
Does that make sense?

Just to add, my DH left because he had had an emotional affair. We tried to stick it out but in the end I asked him to leave. We gave it six month trial period of being separated but at the end of that time, we both decided we didn’t want to get back together. He is now with the OW, which was a punch in the gut, but not at all surprising. A year later, I’m doing ok. Not brilliant, but I know ending the marriage was the right thing.

I’ve been through this but we didn’t have kids which helped. We had to remain living in the same flat for about 6 months which was hideous. We even shared the same bed for a couple of months. I say ‘had to remain’, in hindsight one or other of us could have and should have moved out, but at the time we were both strapped financially.

My advice? Accept it’s over. Get out, whichever one of you us easiest. Be apart. Do it as soon as possible and don’t drag it out.

I know this must be harder with kids but still, accept it’s over and start living separate daily lives as soon as you can.

I'd like to add to this but you've given so little info you sound like a journo doing research & that puts me off.

Sorry just didn’t feel like opening up on my whole story. Thought it might have worked out as a general tips thread for anyone who was going through a marriage breakdown.

Telling the story is like opening the wound.

Lol I wish I was a journo doing research. I would give anything to be a journo doing research rather than going through it. That’s made me laugh and feel a bit better!!

ExW cheated and although painful we managed to split amicably and remain civil towards one another for the sake of the kids. I am in another relationship but remain somewhat distrustful which I guess is a natural side effect of the cheating. I will never marry again...far too risky IMHO, I'd rather be single than go there again. My only tip is to try to keep it civil if you can... no-one but the lawyers win if you both go nuclear.

It's very hard to share personal information / tips when the OP didn’t feel like opening up on my whole story
Shame really as I didn't just survive but thrived

Sorry. Point taken.

Was just at an extreme low