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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Working at home

26 replies

Kong5891 · 11/12/2018 20:01

Hi everyone,

I am just wondering how much time you or your OH work at home in the evenings and/ on weekends? For example doing some admin or preparing for the week ahead on a laptop. My OH has a senior role and seems to spend a good few hours on his laptop and I was just wondering what other relationships are like. What is normal? He seems to believe it’s the norm in construction but I work from 9 til 5 so it’s new to me. Anyone else or your OHs work outside of the usual 9-5? If so, how many hours do you/they spend working and how does it affect your relationship, if at all.

Thanks

OP posts:

HundredMilesAnHour · 11/12/2018 20:08

In the work world I come from (not construction), the expectation is absolutely that you will do some work from home in the evening and/or weekends. Obviously the volume of this increases as your level of seniority increases.

Official working hours are 9am - 6pm but a junior member of staff could expect to have only 2 - 3 hours/week to be done at home, more if they were ambitious. As a senior member of staff, my office working hours would be 7am/8am through to 7pm/9pm and then I would have 3+ hours/day work to do from home in the evening and I'd probably need to work one weekend morning also (or maybe more).

I hardly know anyone who works 9-5 only. In fact I can think of literally only one friend who does that.

Sarge17 · 11/12/2018 20:11

DH and I are both teachers in independent schools. Sometimes we work all evening, but this is rare. Usually we have a couple of hours to do two or three times a week.

Original poster

Kong5891 · 11/12/2018 20:12

I just want to add - I know it’s rare to work only 9-5 (don’t have to work overtime etc) and that’s why I’m asking you all what’s more the norm. Thanks

OP posts:

mindutopia · 11/12/2018 20:13

My dh is self employed (which is different, I think, in terms of expectations for working non-traditional hours). He works about 1-2 hours a night Sunday-Thursday. He also occasionally works a full weekend day or full weekend when it’s our busy season (maybe 8 weekends a year). The trade off is he’s home at 5 every day for dinner and does bath and bedtime with our dc and does school runs and can be at school plays, etc. I also work some early mornings (on weekends) and some evenings as needed. I’m an academic though so neither of us have 9-5 jobs.

We both really try to make the time between 5 and 8pm for family though and usually on work after they’re in bed. We also set aside Friday and Saturday nights totally for us and never do any work these nights. That seems to work but only because the trade offs are that actually we both have a lot of flexibility and independence with our careers, so family life really is a priority and we fit work around that.

Winebottle · 11/12/2018 20:24

I find it hard to work in the evenings. After coming come, sorting dinner etc, I struggle to have the motivation to get the laptop out. I can do emails or something but not a substantial task.

If I need to do more hours, I will do them on Saturday morning or early in the morning in the week. I'd rather do 7-5 than come home and do it.

On average I would say I do around 35 hours a week which is good for a full time salaried position.

Sillybilly1234 · 11/12/2018 22:52

I work in construction and quite regularly used to work a full day then 9m to midnight after the kids had gone to bed.

Did this until I got ill and had to take stock of my life and what is important.

Original poster

Kong5891 · 12/12/2018 12:23

Thanks for your comments everyone.

I'm trying to work out if the extra work is expected of him or if his time management is poor. He seems to be in a lot of meetings all day and visiting sites and then when he goes home has to do the administration parts and prep for other meetings. We are moving in together soon and wonder if he will be working most evenings. I suppose because I am not working after hours I notice it and I don't want it to be a problem. He doesn't really have set hours as such so I think he's expected to do what's required of him whether that be over the weekend or in the evenings. His boss is a bit of a slave driver...it is almost like he is self-employed because he doesn't get paid if he's sick.

Sillybilly1234 - What area of construction were you in and where? Were you a manager?

OP posts:

SpoonBlender · 12/12/2018 12:45

Construction is a horrible old-fashioned industry that hasn't heard of work-life balance. I worked in it (in IT) for two years, then got the fuck out because it's ridiculous. Basically willy-waving about how early and late they can stay. Little attention was paid to whether any work got done in those hours, of course. But any pushback on workload was met with "just do it".

Toxic environment for humans.

Namelesswonder · 12/12/2018 12:55

Not unusual in senior roles I would think, going by my experience. I am contracted to do 37.5 hrs a week but actually do about 45 a week when you include evenings and weekends. DH works in office till 8/9 pm most nights and works at least a few hours each weekend, preparing for following week or catching up with admin.

ethelredonagoodday · 12/12/2018 16:32

My husband works in engineering and works very long hours. Generally in office for 7am and not home til 7.30. He blames this now on his long commute and trying to avoid peak traffic, but basically he's always been this way...

ethelredonagoodday · 12/12/2018 16:35

And agree with who ever it was up thread who said that construction, and I count engineering in this too, is very old fashioned in its approach. Great deal of store put on presenteeism. I work in same sector, but in public service, so slightly less of an issue

Fashionista101 · 12/12/2018 16:40

My partner once upon a time was a site manager for a large construction company. If he was awake, he was working. He did it for 15 years (3of which whilst he was with me). It became a huge issue. He has since left and now works for himself, still in the industry but he can decide when to work.

TattyCat · 12/12/2018 16:56

Basically willy-waving about how early and late they can stay.

Absolutely this. I don't know at what point things will change, but they must. At one time of the day, starting at 8am and working until 6/6.30pm was acceptable if you were in a senior management role, but it's become a bit of a 'I work longer hours than you' culture. If it continues, there will be no downtime at all, other than to sleep. Those kind of hours should be a temporary situation to get through a busy period, not the norm. (Although I do understand that all jobs are not 9-5; there should still be a balance).

The expectations are too high now and it's starting to show in people's attitudes and behaviours. There is no wriggle room and no longer any understanding when people are struggling with a work/life balance. And we wonder why there's so much increase in negative mental health...

malc1975 · 12/12/2018 19:59

When I was in the motor trade a few years back I would be shining a seat with my butt in the board room all day and often be working at home until 8-9 pm most nights

I saw sense eventually and left the trade as there is more to life than earning big bucks

5fivestar · 12/12/2018 20:02

I work from home 6am to 7pm most days including weekends. However this is absolutely temporary not a lifestyle. Once normality has returned, I’ll do 8 hours per day if not the standard 8 hours

5fivestar · 12/12/2018 20:04

My friend is a single mum of small children just about to embark on a quanity surveying career ... I worry about how she’ll cope in construction it sounds awful

nixso29 · 12/12/2018 20:16

I work in accounts but within the construction industry and the male contracts engineers basically work non-stop! Have come into the office of a morning and had e-mails from them at all hours of the day and night plus also while they are on holiday literally working from the pool on their laptops. Don't envy them at all, they are expected to be available at all times of the day or night on their work mobiles

VietnameseCrispyFish · 12/12/2018 20:34

OH probably does around 2-3 hours at the computer most nights. But he’s early in his career, in medicine, so he has to spend a lot of time reading up on his new placements and studying for endless exams. His time at the PC is interspersed with playing games and watching YouTube videos as he’s doing it after a long day at work so he can’t concentrafe properly for another three hours without some light relief in between!

Doesn’t bother me, but we don’t have kids, so I do my own thing. He does less housework generally than I do but still does enough and when he’s massively busy I’m more than happy to pick up the slack as I work a regular 9-5 job, flexi, don’t do any work beyond my contracted hours. It’s give and take.

SoyDora · 12/12/2018 20:38

DH works from home so it’s slightly different, but he’s very rarely not logged on and contactable. He cooked dinner tonight and we ate together, then he disappeared back into the study. He’ll appear again at home point soon I imagine!

MorbidlyObese · 12/12/2018 21:11

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

ChodeofChodeHall · 12/12/2018 21:23

Construction is a horrible old-fashioned industry that hasn't heard of work-life balance.

Things have moved along in recent years. I work in the construction industry and wellbeing/work-life-balance are all the rage! We get plenty of holiday days, flexible working terms and free PMI.

Our project managers are always still in the office when I leave for the day, though, sorry OP. It sure is an involved, demanding job.

Sillybilly1234 · 13/12/2018 21:33

I have to say that working in the construction industry is great.

Lots of variety and quite often not like working because it is so interesting and fun.

Hence being happy to work long hours but I suppose it depends on who you work for.

I work for myself now a Structural Engineer and it is the best job in the world.

Original poster

Kong5891 · 17/12/2018 12:28

He adores his job and finds it interesting and fun but it seems to take up a lot of his time. He cares about his staff and is very passionate about his work which I think is a great quality, however I just want to make sure he's not going to burn out.

I guess I don't know what 'normal' is because I clock off at 5pm and do not need to think about work until 9am the next morning. I wonder if I should be encouraging him to switch off and relax or just leave him to it? He doesn't seem too stressed and says he has no problem answering the odd work call if someone requires his expertise. If he doesn't receive a call it goes to his manager and then he gets annoyed why he hasn't answered the phone and sort out the issue. Recently his phone ran out of battery.

He takes some work calls on weekends when his staff are working - he says that we just have different jobs which I understand and he earns 3 times as much as me, not that it's about money but it seems the more senior you are, the more you have to work outside 9-5.

Is this true?

OP posts:

UghFletcher · 17/12/2018 12:35

I work in IT and it's the norm to spend 2-3 hours online of an evening. I'm quite often in meetings all day so catch up with my admin.

Unescorted · 17/12/2018 12:39

I work in the construction sector and we are encouraged to work our set hours. To the point that if too many people log on from home over the weekend they turn the server off. It depends which company you work for.

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