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depression, social anxiety and cognitive distortions

2 replies

fluffums · 11/12/2018 19:00

I would welcome your experiences with the above.

I'm a LP and have had a difficult few years, DD is 7 and things have been a bit easier for the last couple of years since he's been a bit older but prior to that I had terrible PND and MH issues.

I was socially isolated for a long time for various reasons, but with therapy I worked through a lot of issues and expected life to be a lot better and that I would make new friends.

However, this has sadly not been the case. I'm not sure why as I have made no end of efforts to try to engage with people but it seems to be a vicious circle of people / other parents not wanting to meet up again then me feeling low then it being even harder to make new friends. NB, I don't smell, think I am friendly, I'm not overbearing, and am wondering what the issue is. I do have a bit of social anxiety and am wondering if I sometimes give off a certain vibe but on the whole am friendly.

My brain veers between self loathing, depression and indifference and confusion.

I thought school would elicit new friendships but the school gate has been very anxiety inducing for me - people I have chatted to in depth at a kids party or playdate have virtually ignored me at pickup and I am very confused. Are they busy? Don't want to be friends? I've also arranged mum meetups through wider friendship circles that have fizzled out after a meetup or two.

Attempts at arranging playdates are met with people ignoring the text or just replying to another part of the text. Okaayyy??

I'm confused if it's because I seem a bit low or they sense I have social anxiety. Could it be that people are busy and don't want new friends? Could it be that they think I am odd? Could it be cognitive distortion on my part only seeing the negative? Could it be that that is the way the school gates / other parent interations just are?

I do have a few close friends but it's really dropped off, I wonder if it is because of my age (early 40s), and /or situation as a LP who can't often socialise.

Am I having unrealistic expectations of making a few friends via school / whatever? Even the playdates that came out of afterschool activities have ended as a deadend.

I just feel in a negative spiral of self defeat over it all and I'm verging on depression as it is.

Any thoughts welcome...

OP posts:
fluffums · 11/12/2018 19:01

PS sorry for the long post!!

OP posts:
Sunnydays1980 · 12/12/2018 16:50

I totally get where you're coming from fluffums. I have struggled to make friends and connect with people from quite an early age, even as a little girl I didn't have any friends at school. This is something that has troubled me for most of my life and althogh I have some good friends have too noticed they have dwindled off. Even when I have recognised I need to be more active and less passive with friendships and make a real effort nothing really pays off no matter what I do. It's almost like I am destined to be the outsider and am always the one who is dispensible and never thought of. It does get me down, but if it helps I acknowledge who I am and feel fortunate for what I have, a loving partner and 2 amazing children.

I'm sorry I can't offer you any advice but just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I guess in the quest for friendships we have to be bold and keep trying and trying even if we have had many doors closed. X

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