I'm broken

[Bonkerz]

I need help. I need clarity. I’m broken.

My kids are out to break me and I think they are winning. My 18 year old autistic son has disappeared tonight. Won’t answer messages.
My 12 year old daughter has been in hospital all day after taking an overdose. We have Cahms team coming tomorrow but I feel a complete failure.
Me and my husband split up 3 weeks ago after 15 years of marriage. I’m angry with him but we can’t sort it because it just gets nasty so I’m trying to be civil and pretend everything is ok.
Financially things are messed up. Tax credits are sorting my single claim but it’s taking forever and in the mean time debts are spiralling.

I’m supposed to be strong. I’m supposed to sort this but I’m drowning.

Bless you sweetheart do you have anyone who can support you?

I have an amazing bunch of friends but I feel I'm in constant crisis right now and am asking so much of them. I'm a burden.

You aren't being a burden. You are at a very low point. Hopefully CAMHS will ease the load a bit.

I'm usually good at keeping my head above water but I feel like I'm being constantly punched in the stomach right now with no end in sight.
Worst part is I have to be smiling and ready to face the day in less than 3 hours.
Dd is in bed next to me. I don't trust her to be left alone.
DS won't answer his phone.

Managed an hours sleep eventually.

I hope today goes well. Your poor daughter and you. I didn't sleep at all last night (just silly worries) I haven't been much help to you but I know what its like to feel alone in the night x

Your friends want to help you, allow them to. Let them look after you where they can. Focus on what you need to immediately and take one day at a time. Remember, you have to look after yourself too to look after your DC's. If anyone offers you help, take it.

Good luck and hope you have a better day today

I appreciate all replies. The night was long. I'm a zombie this morning. Dd is by my side. I'm trying to fake being fine for my 7 year old. DS is missing. He didn't come home. He's not replying to texts.
My friends have all messaged. I can't see a clear path for today x and I start work in an hour

Just take it hour by hour. Things won't always be this bad. I hope you hear from your ds now that morning is here. Separation is like a death sometimes so there is bound to be an emotional storm for a while but that will settle down.
Take all the help and support you can get so that your own tank is full and you are then able to support your two dc.
Huddle close together and l really hope you have a better day today. Try to stop your thoughts from spiralling too much into the future just manage what you can today.
Most important is that you manage to make contact with your ds.

Phone in sick. Phone your gp and get signed off you. Are dealing with so much right now. Your children need you

Can you phone social services about your eldest son. He is vulnerable and they should offer some support for him.

Really hope camhs are helpful today. Will school offer support for your daughter and youngest son.

You are all dealing with so much right now. Take each hours as it comes.

Can you ring in sick to work? Or take unpaid emergency dependants leave to be there for camhs. Hope your son contacts you soon it sounds very tough for you at the moment.

I'm self employed so can't phone I'm sick and with no other income it's vital I work unfortunately but it's home based so I can still do appointments etc.
At which point do I start panicking about DS? Social services give us direct payments and his PA has been trying to find him since 4am along with me. He's now turned his phone off.

One step at a time. Get any urgent work done. Your son will show up. Your daughter will receive some assistance today (or they'll get the ball rolling, at least). Try to get an early night tonight, eat well today. And yes, accept any practical or financial help you're offered by friends and family. Good luck. Keep posting if it helps.

Bless you, you sound like your having a really shit time 

have you phoned the police about your son? If not do so. He's vulnerable so the sooner you phone the better.

Has he done this before?

Hope he's found soon @Bonkerz

Also sorry about your daughter

P.s don't ever feel like a burden! Your dealing with so much shit, friends are there to support you.

Don’t feel like a burden. Many people, go through very, very shit times, it will not last forever. Your friends will want to help you through it.x

OP phone the police if you haven't already, they have more resources to find him. I'm sure he's fine and just being a teenager.

Bless you. Only do work thats really necessary today. I would also advise calling the police about your son. Just take things one step at a time. Take any help that comes your way. Youre not a burden. Things will get better honey. Try not to worry too much x

OP, I do hope your daughter gets the help she needs. How awful for you all.

And I agree, call the police about your son. They will find him.

Is this all as a result of the breakup?

Any update @Bonkerz

Thanks all, son waltzed in about 20 minutes ago thanks to a Facebook stalk and numerous people bombarding him with messages. He hasn't spoken.

Dd is sat waiting for Cahms crisis.

Dd self harming started a few weeks ago so not due to the break up.
DS I suspect is because of the breakup but more because he didn't want to see his dad last night. They are not on good terms and that's partly why we split.

Glad he’s turned up.

Keep taking deep breathes and let friends support you.

There. One less thing to worry about for now. And you've got through a morning of work. Small steps.

Crisis team just left. They are doing two visits a week (home and school) for the next 4 weeks. also requesting the autism tests as he feels dd shows all the markers for a female.