I really should name change for this but I cannot remember my password and h, I have ceased to care.
I need help and support MN. Please.
In March this year I took an overdose and I wanted to die. The reasons for this are complex but it largely revolved around the children and the serving of the Decree Absolute from my Ex.
Since then, these past nine or so months my life has been a living hell. After the suicide attempt, my ex took the kids. Initially he agreed to mediation then two days later filed in the court on an emergency appeal to get the children (we had shared 50/50). I agreed that the children could reside at his address. Temporarily. When I gave the court that assurance is truly imagined it would be a few months.
My ex fabricated statements about me. To CAFCASS and to the Court itself. I had no opportunity to defend myself. I am not an unfit mother, I always took being a parent seriously. My children were never abused nor neglected whilst under my care. Never.
But it goes further. My ex raped me, threatened to rape me, physically assaulted me and psychologically abused me over many years. He has smeared me to his family and my own. My brother and I were abused, terribly, by the actions of my father and the inaction of our mother. I have now reported the actions of my ex to the police.
I had hoped, dearly hoped that the final hearing would be around about now. So I could get the children back for christmas. Now that wont happen. It will be early April. A full 13 months since the suicide and I have not yet once been able to defend myself against the family court. Not once. Because just on the say so of the family court, I am 'not fit' to be around them and thus I must be supervised, simply on the suicide attempt and the allegations my ex has been allowed to say against me. Seeing the kids is costing me aprox. £200 a month. Noting has been proven. Nothing. Not that I am guilty anyway.
My ex then drops a huge bombshell about a week ago. He has a new job, 6 hours away from where we live and he wants to take the kids. I break down. I'm beside myself. I know precisely where he wants to go and being not that far from the county myself, I know precisely what it will be like. It is a place of despair and of hopelessness. But, he's already told my children he is moving and because like all young children, they sense adventure; they want to go.
Then he drops another bombshell. He's applied for my child benefit. CB is clear. Yes, you are entitled to the money if the kids reside with you for 64 days in 16 weeks OR you can prove that you use that money to support the children.
I do use that money to support the children. I use it to see them. As per the terms of the court order. And now he wants to move.
My heart is broken. I cannot NOT be in my childrens' lives on a weekly basis. Yes, it was foolish of me to do what I did but when I took that overdose, I was not in a sound mind. The upshot is that I did give my permission this week for him to take them and I will follow.
MN. I would die for my children but I do not want to move. But they want too. This week he agreed that he would relinquish his claim to the CB. I told him, explicitly, that the money (£140) needed to be placed back in my account. He agreed only to quibble on it later.
On Saturday, I had a conversation on the door where I effectively begged him for my money back. This is the door of the house I used to own. I begged for money I was entitled too. I got 110 out of him, still not the full amount. I'm broken and I feel so humiliated.
This man has a joint income of around about 70K and I am on UC. Professionally, I was a qualified teacher of A Level Physics. My mental health now is so poor that I dont think I can work ever again.
But oh, it get's worse. About three weeks or so, my alcoholic younger brother collapsed on the stairs at my parents. Hit his head. Is now aware but doesn't recognise people and doesn't know where he is. He's not getting any better.
This year I lost my children, my home, my job and my career.
Please help. I do not want any more to co-parent with my rapist and abuser but equally, if really stand up and fight then at least one of my children will resent me. I feel like I have been placed in bondage just because we share children and I would rather die than serve him and his needs again.