Massive family argument, all just blown up, I need to make things better, any advice?

[flowerpot1000000]

Been brewing for a while...the mood in our household is getting out of control. I just dont know what to do, perhaps Mumsnetters can perhaps hopefully give some advice if you've been through similar.

DS 13 total teenage mood swings, rudeness, disrespectful, lazy, loud, expectations of everything!

Me ... think Im struggling from breavement of best friend 18 months ago, I realise Im bad tempered, emotional, stressed out, tired most of the time, I feel Im a constant moaner,. Also care for my housebound DF twice a week which is very stressful plus 50+ and perimenopausal!!!

DH ... selfish, self centered, never wrong, non talker, in denial over most things, relationship is very poor with him due to a past EA I found out about 18 months ago...never properly addressed as a few weeks later my best friend died and sort of took the focus away.

Anyway tensions have come to a head tonight over something or other with us all shouting, screaming and having ago at each other. DH was really upset, said he's like he is because he's sick of the moods in the house etc.

It needs to stop. It's not healthy to continue like this. DH doesnt communicate ends in arguments all the time. He sweeps things under the carpet all the time.

I feel so sad and such a bad, bad parent tonight that it's come to this.

DH at work now. Ive sat down and spoken to DS and apologised about my behaviour and always moaning and stressing at him but feel I need to do more.

Any advice? Anyone gone through anything similar?

Any chance of getting some counselling to talk through the loss of your friend (I'm so sorry)? You have so much on your plate, I think a bit of time and space to sort through your feelings with someone might be helpful.

Yes I did think that but I just cant bare the thought of talking to a stranger. Thdn.I thought do I need anti depressants but have tried to cope with everything so far and worried about getting hooked. Just more worried about DS really

My post should of read DS was really upset

I'm so sorry you lost your friend, and sorry too that your husband had an emotional affair.

ADs can make such a difference. I had them after my son was born and the difference was incredible - I was able to not dwell on things and react in a better way. Not sure it would help with your husband, though, but I'm sure it would help you and therefore your relationship with your son.

Why is it up to you to make things better OP?

I definitely agree about counselling.

However, the way your OH behaves needs addressing, his general behaviour not just the fact he had an EA.

I see your OH is passing the buck regarding his behaviour. It's not his fault, it's because of other people. Perhaps if he were less selfish, self-centred, admitted to being wrong sometimes, bothered to communicate and didn't refuse to deal with things, the general mood would be better. He needs to start taking responsibility for his part.

In what ways is DH supporting you in your grieving and caring for your DF?
In what ways is he parenting your son, and helping DS understand that you are struggling?

That is his role.

There's a lot going on there flower.... DH sounds like the root of a lot of the problems. I could be biased, because when I was 50 I had had enough of the EA, etc, and he finally pushed me into kicking him out when he signed up for online dating. Mucho threads about this at the time. TBH things went uphill from there. DS is probably reacting to your DH creating tension, and DD was fairly horrible when she was 13, for a fair amount of time. Now she's 21, she's much more lovely (mostly). Offloading to a good counsellor shouldn't really feel like talking to a stranger, if you arent feeling comfortable, the counsellor isn't probably the right fit for you. And only HRT made me feel human with the menopause stuff.

Life just feels so stressful every single day. Im an organiser, I sort stuff out, everyone's stuff. Ive always taken charge...had to really as parents divorced when I was 15, and my Mother left me and my younger brother, so really I had to take over as DF worked alot. My sister also got dianosed with cancer last Nov so have been supporting her. I just think Ive odfed along for so long and it's taken me 18months to realise what the hell has happened. Life ferls like Jenga, brick after brick keeps piling on top and one day the whoke lots going to come crashing down. My friend actually took her own life, I was sooo low after discovering about DH affair, I almost feel angry that I wasnt able to grieve properly I was an executor of her Will so also had to sort all that out. My father is housebound and my sister has cancer...l dont want to feel sorry for myself but now it's affecting the whole household I need to fix it.

You don't need to fix it.

You have enough to do.

Just love DS and show him that you do. Tell him you are struggling and you know he is too, and that you just need to muddle through together.

I suppose the same goes for DH, too. Tell him how it is, then it's up to him.

Who is looking after you? Do you have a friend you can off load on? You need someone who will help you have moments of light and fun around the edges of all the work.

write a list of things you like about your husband. its likely your husband is trying to stop the arguing which you think of brushing under the carpet - you are arguing as you have not dealt with some things. Sounds like you are in a difficult spot I'm sorry - talking to a stranger is the least of your worries?

Talk to your GP and get some advice on counseling and antidepressants.
Does your Dad have help?
Could you and husband go away for a weekend to try to reconnect as partners? Have a chance to lay out your responsibilities at the moment and see if he can take on some at home.
Good luck

"Antidepressants are not addictive – you don't get cravings for them or need to keep increasing the dose to get the same effect."
www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/antidepressants/withdrawal-effects-of-antidepressants/#.XA9syeJRe00