Did you settle and if you didn't, what does it feel like?

[fedupgal23]

Everyone around me is settled. If they are not married they almost are, or are in long term relationships.

I date. I could have settled down a couple of times in the past but I never felt like I met someone who was 'a one' (don't necessarily believe in The One).

But what does not settling feel like? How did you know?

I'm 35 and I am dating properly and putting the time in. I'm being open minded! But also yet to meet someone who makes me feel sure. Do I have time to wait and is it worth it to be with someone who feels like you're not settling?

Surely it entirely depends on who you are as a person
Lots of people don’t want someone around them all the time
They don’t need an emotional connection
But if that’s what you need then don’t settle.

Because it just never works out long term

Absolutely refused to settle for any second bests, as in I didn't want to be any body's second best & I didn't want a second best.

Had a couple of serious relationships, been single 5 years, I enjoyed being single & doing my own thing, after all the heartbreak & disappointment from previous relationships I felt that being on my own with no hassle was good for me & my head.

When I met the absolute love of my life it was all very strange, we were strangers but I felt like an invisible magnetic force was driving me towards him. I felt like we connected instantly & the chemistry was off the scale. The way he looked at me when we first made eye contact, the way he smiled at me, the way he made the first move & kissed me for the first time.... it all blew me away, I have had lots of experience re dating & it had never felt like this. I knew instantly that something was going off & it felt like I had no control over it. My gut feeling was scaring me as I've never been so sure of something / someone so soon & instantly in my life. I'm normally quite a cautious & guarded person so allowing myself to feel like like this was not the norm!

Fast forward we are very happy and in love, he is the reason why it never worked out with anyone else.... as the saying goes ' when you know, you know'

I feel blessed & very lucky to have this beautiful, kind, thoughtful guy in my life who is my everything & my best friend 💖

He adds to my life, nothing is complicated, time spent together is easy going & carefree.

Feels like bliss compared to all the shit I've put up with in the past re previous relationships.

Definitely not settled here. My life feels complete & I'm so happy : )

My situation was different because I already had kids, but I knew straight away that DP and I had something special. As soo as I met him I had the overwhelming desire to hold his hand (I didn’t, because that would have been weird). 3.5 years later and I still do. I just love being close to him. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman on the planet (I’m 50 and built like a tank). In your position I’d be inclined to think about having a baby through donor sperm, and worrying about the man later. Most men in their late 30s/40s Will already have kids so even if you find ‘a one’ he might not want more.

It's difficult because everyone is so different and what works, feels right for one person, would feel like settling for another.

The one thing I would say is to take your time. Don't necessarily write someone off straight away. But also don't rush into something more serious.

I've been with my DH for over 15 years now. On paper we don't have a lot in common and we do enjoy our own separate interests. But we are both the sort of people who would get bored with each other if we did together. We do really still enjoy one anothers company. What matters to me is that we have shared values and attitudes towards the big things in our lives. It probably took me a year of our relationship to realise that I wanted to be with him forever. Because it took me that time to see him fully as the person he was. I guess I was also younger then and never really had it in mind about long-term stuff like marriage and kids.

Thanks. It’s nice to read that it can be worth waiting for x