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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I let my ex spend Christmas with me and our kids after he treated us like this?

20 replies

skepticalmom · 10/12/2018 16:25

Basically kids dad wants to come over for Christmas. He has a new girlfriend and when we found out about each other he was still trying to pursue me and get me back but in a relationship with her. I found out he told her about the children from his first relationship but not the children we share together. Also he ended up begging her to take him back when you would of thought it should have been me seeing how he has only known her for 3 months and being knowing me for 10 years and we have kids together. Anyway as he was begging her she took him back and again he tried to talk to me behind her back I told her. He lied and told her that I reached out to him and not the other way around which was a lie. And also told her that I contacted him because someone I was seeing was molesting our kids. I couldn't believe he'd make up such a lie just to win her back. I haven't heard from him for over a month and then he contacts me saying we need to talk and that he wants to be here for Christmas, which every year we do spend Xmas together but I just feel this time he's only reaching out because things aren't going right with the new woman he's with prior to this he hasn't been concerned about our kids too much since dating her. I want to tell him just send the gifts to the house and not come over. Every time he comes over he's making passes at me even while dating her. Also he asked me to claim kids on his taxes. He is behind on child support so it will all go to back support but I guess his goal is to get the back support off of him. My thing is this he has denied even having our kids, talked bad about me to this woman hasn't been there for our kids really while dating her and even went as far as lieing about our kids being molested by someone that I was dating which I wasn't dating anyone and the whole story was a lie to win her back!!! I don't think he deserves any of it he won't even put our kids on his fb but has his first kids on their I am over it and don't think he deserves to even be here on Xmas am I wrong?

OP posts:
WeeMadArthur · 10/12/2018 16:27

You are not wrong.

SandyY2K · 10/12/2018 16:33

It would be madness to have him over for Christmas IMO.

If he wants to spend time with the kids, he can pick them at a convenient time and bring them back.

Mrskeats · 10/12/2018 16:36

Please dont
Use this to establish some boundaries

skepticalmom · 10/12/2018 16:37

He's not allowed to have them alone, he has a bad drinking problem. He has no problem getting behind the wheel intoxicated either. At this time through verbal agreement visitation is supervised.

OP posts:
sue51 · 10/12/2018 16:37

He doesn't deserve a family christmas. Let him sort out contact later.

sue51 · 10/12/2018 16:38

Just seen your second post. Contact centre organised and paid for by him then.

fuzzywuzzy · 10/12/2018 16:41

Go to CSA for child maintenance and contact Theo a contact centre.

Don’t have him over during Xmas tell him to send the presents he has bought for the dc.

You need to step back and not let him invade your life so much. Then he has nothing to tell his girlfriend.

Loopytiles · 10/12/2018 16:44

No, you shouldn’t invite him for Christmas.

RB68 · 10/12/2018 16:45

You need to cut the strings - he is manipulating you left right and centre.

Do not have him over, sort out CSA, get contact formalised and make it supervised given his history and explain why you want it supervised to court who can also order testing for alcoholism etc

bastardkitty · 10/12/2018 16:48

I would ignore him and let him get a court order, since he is incapable of thinking about anyone except himself.

skepticalmom · 10/12/2018 17:05

What do you mean manipulating me, how?

OP posts:
Sashkin · 10/12/2018 17:08

He is manipulating you because he has no interest in seeing the kids, but is using the carrot if giving great them a lovely family Christmas to try to get an invite round your house and then into your knickers.

AnyFucker · 10/12/2018 17:08

Only if you have mug tattooed on your forehead

Sashkin · 10/12/2018 17:08

^ not sure where that extra “great” came from

WhoKnewBeefStew · 10/12/2018 17:10

Bi, don’t have him over for Xmas. Stop communicating with him. Go via the csa for child maint. If he’a serious about seeing the kids tell him to go his court to set up access

CuriousaboutSamphire · 10/12/2018 17:11

Any way he can by the looks of it.

He has treated you appallingly and yet here you are, checking with strangers if it would be OK not to have him over for Christmas.

We are ALL going to say the same thing:
YANBU, do NOT invite him
Get the CSA on to him, don't let him off with a penny - your kids deserve better!
No, he can't 'have the kids for tax purposes'
No he can't have access as he wants, he can take you to court if he wants that to change

Lozzerbmc · 10/12/2018 17:12

No way hes just manipulating you please dont let him over

skepticalmom · 10/12/2018 17:32

I see every one saying the same thing... It had more to do with the kids seeing their dad on Xmas then me and how I felt but after hearing everyone's response's I am certain I am doing right by telling him to take a hike and if he wants to see our kids he can go thru the courts! Maybe me putting this fire under his but will make him realize his kids should be number one priority in his life and never denied or used as bate!

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 10/12/2018 22:27

You've got it right with your last post.

RyderWhiteSwan · 10/12/2018 22:35

You've got it right with your last post

Totally!

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