Anyone had a relationship survive after a break?

[MirandaGoshawk]

DS and his GF are in their mid-20s and have been together for 7 years. She is a lovely girl and I think of her as a DD. But totally out of the blue she told him she wants no contact for three months. After that they will meet/flirt. He did not predict this and it's knocked him sideways. I suggested sending flowers to her work, but a few days ago he got exam results and texted her but she has ignored his text, so I guess 'no contact' means that.

DS still lives at home because cheaper, as he is saving hard for a house deposit for them. She rents & he stays weekends. DS works hard and gets tired so when he sees her in the week it's not great. It's not ideal, but they have agreed to stick with it for now. What none of us can work out is why she doesn't either make a clean break with him, or find a way to make it work (get a flat together, which he agreed to). Neither wants to get married or have DCH yet, and she said there's no one else.

He is heartbroken, and she has put him in limbo. What to do?

There is nothing you can or should do. They need to figure it out on their own.

They got together as children and haven’t realy been in relationships with others as adults.
Worst thing they can do is to continue because it’s familiar.

She is probably having doubts, which is healthy. A bit of a break to figure things isn’t a bad thing....

If you look at MN - there are plenty of stories where people got together as teenagers, moved in, eventually had kids and by mid-30s are very unhappy. They grew up and changed. Etc...

It’s better for your S and his GF to have that period of questioning if they are right for each other now - before they went further.

Three months isn’t a long time.
However - he - obv can decide to move on. It’s his right

She's keeping her options open and being very cruel. He needs to take back some of the control and tell her he wont be around in 3 months time. I'm not sure I believe that no one else is involved.

A significant number of close friends and family have broken up and got together again to have a long term (ongoing) relationship. My parents for one, broke up for maybe a bit under a year, now married nearly 40 years. Two of my bils, both now married 10 years. Etc etc, it’s not at all unusual.

She wants to test out the other options out there. Can’t say I blame her after such a long relationship at such a young age, but it is cruel of her to do it like this. Still, your son has the ability once the initial shock subsides to find his backbone and message her telling her either she meets him to discuss like adults now or it’s over and he won’t be around in a week’s time let alone three months.

As his mum you have no say in any of this, other than supporting him from the sidelines. Try let him figure it out alone, that’s what growing up is for! But if he does ask your advice I’d make sure I was encouraging him to stand up for his own needs instead of just being at her whim.

What none of us can work out is why she doesn't either make a clean break with him, or find a way to make it work

Presumably for the obvious reason that she wants a fallback?!

Some good points! Much appreciated. Thank you.

My worry is that if they do get back together he won't be able to trust that she won't do something like this again, out of the blue, and be hurt again.

I’d guess that there is someone else she really needs to explore and she is at least opting not to eat cake! But a seven year relationship and they’re only in their mid twenties!! This probably needs to happen.
If he can - your DS needs to make the best/most of it.
People break and get back together all the time - and if things are up front then there is a chance of reconciliation. If I were your DS - I’d hope for the best but prepare for the worst - treat it as a break (in the ‘Friends’ sense) and see how it feels in thee months.
As for trust issues - well I think being up front and going for a break is more trust worthy behaviour than cheating - and who can say what he or she may feel or do in the future - they haven’t taken vows - it’s up to your DS how he reacts if she says it again really.
But as a parent I’d be heartbroken if I liked her I’m sure! x

Sounds like a situation with a friend's daughter. Her daughter wanted to meet other people. It's unfair to string someone along like this, I'd tell him to let her go and concentrate on himself. It will be hard and he will be very hurt and will need support as that's a long time to be together.

Myself and my partner separated for a little under a year when we were early twenties. Very little contact. One night we just decided actually we missed each other so arranged to go for coffee. Six years later we own a home together and are very happy! So don’t lose hope

Thank you! Wise words. I have shown him the thread. But he says he loves her and doesn't want to split, so he will wait for her. But yes, it gives him time to think about what he really wants.

It makes sense if they got together so young to find out whether they really are for each other. I think this is what she seems to be doing. I'd tell your son to go out and enjoy himself and see for himself if she is really what he wants too.