How to move forward

[eveningshadows22]

Bit of background I am separated and after some discussion my h does not want to work on things and try again. I fully admit to my part in the breakdown of my marriage and am actively trying to work on myself but for him it is over.

I am struggling to accept this, I suppose partly from waking up to the realisation I could of done a lot more to improve the marriage when I had the chance. But I am aware I can't change the past now and have no choice but to move on. But how? There's such a big part of me that does not want to let go even though I know it is necessary for me to. I feel like I let my husband and child down. I don't want to carry on living a life full of regret. But I don't know how to move forward.

Ok, so I guess it depends on what you did.

If you were violent towards him, then clearly you need to get some professional help for that. If you cheated on him then you have some soul searching to do to understand why.

For anything else, I guess it’s a case of trying to understand what problems were purely down to him, what was you and what was just a result of the dynamics of your relationship. You can only look to address the second two, and it’ll probably take time to get a decent perspective on that.

But be kind to yourself. Unless what you did was really, objectively, awful then the breakup is unlikely to have been all your fault.

There was no violence/abuse or cheating on either side. It was based upon actions he had done towards me in the beginnings of our relationship that really hurt me and I was unable to move on from. Despite him trying to make amends for these things I didn't seem to be able, at the time, to let go of it all. Which thinking back on now I wish I had tried harder to overcome. And is also why I am in counselling now to try and get a better understanding of it all. But at the same time I feel heartbroken and stuck, in not really wanting to let go.