Ex injured - childcare issues

[Upyerbum70]

Ex of 7 years. Lived together for 17yrs. He’s now married and lives a 90 minute round trip away. He gives me a spreadsheet of the childcare he’s prepared to do. DDs are 10 and 14.

I’ve a relatively new job in emergency services and I work shifts. My 78 yr mum stays here for the times I have no childcare but she lives an hour away and doesn’t drive so it’s a hassle.

Last week my ex came off his bike and has broken his hip. So now he can’t drive for however long. His wife has a back/hip problem and struggles with driving at the moment. They have no dependants.

The crux of the matter is that I’m being left to take the slack. I’ve already had to take a shift off work and drive DD1 to something he’d arranged to do.

I appreciate he didn’t mean this to happen and has apologised via text- wouldn’t normally be civil to me so I can only assume it’s the morphine speaking. But if the tables were turned -heaven forbid - and I was ill , then I’d be expected to just sort it out. But he’s ill and I’m still sorting it out. He has a dad who lives an hour away (near to my DM) who’s very active and drives etc. He had a sister/BIL too.

What would you do? Crack on and suck it up - or say something? I live on a tight budget and there are additional costs involved too. Does this make me sound horrible? Obviously Xmas is stressful enough for me as it is.

I get your frustration, its very true that its often unfairly distributed and that the parent who lives with the children is left with all the responsibilities. But you know this (as i i do in my situation).

If its purely about the eow then your daughter may have to miss the activity, not ideal but sometimes these things happen. You still have child care as your exs wife said she would collect them but possibly not drive them around. Yes in an ideal world his family would help out but you have no way of enforcing this. Other option is for her to stay at yours until after the activity then his wife collects them?? obviously not sure when the activity is though and if this is viable?? Its just about making he best out of a difficult situation.

Can you message him and say
"according to the spreadsheet it is your responsibility to look after the DC/provide appropriate childcare on X, Y & Z days, what have you done to cover this if you are unable to drive and collect them, as I cannot give up work to do your share?"

He needs to arrange this & if he doesn't, do as suggested above and go to CMS and explain that he is no having the DC as often as he should and his payments need to be increased.

It sounds harsh as it was an accident, but if you were dead rather than divorced from him, he would have to sort something wouldn't he?

It is his responsibility, not yours. A sorry does cut it, an explanation of how he is going to take care of his children is the only thing that works here. And if paid childcare is needed, then he must pay for it.

*Does not cut it.