FFS

[YellowDigger]

Have name changed to a previous username where I’ve posted some stuff in mental health, previously.

Upshot is, found out partner of 13 years is smoking weed again. I’m so bored of this. We have a DS(2) and his DS(13) lives with us, too.
Gave him an ultimatum nearly a year ago, in which I’d said to him before that if he was buying weed that would be us, done. Stupidly gave him one more chance after receiving various promises... and here we are.
Question is - do I ask him to go before Christmas - or hang fire and do it after?

Also - I know smoking dope isn’t an issue for some, but it is for me. I don’t want my son to have a stoner for a dad... especially one in his forties... and especially when we’re fucking brassic.

I would tell him to go no need in prolonging the inevitable.

“I don’t want my son to have a stoner for a dad... especially one in his forties”

Well even if you kick him out, he will still be his dad and as an adult will be able to continue smoking weed as much as he likes.

Just tell him to go. It's weeks until Christmas. Yes, its awful, but tbh it wont be any less awful after Christmas. Good luck, lovely.

Having known his son since he was born, I imagine you don't really want to nuke his Christmas if it can be avoided. However you're the only one who can make that call, because it's incredibly hard to pretend for what's going to be about a month of time.

@crispbuttyNo1 no, you’re right, but at least I wouldn’t be tacitly condoning it by living with it.

@sethis my DSS is lovely, he has a range of SEN and (unfortunately) clearly has two parents who are a bit fucking incapable. This is what’s stopping me ending it as this point. Plus the massive debt we’re in (all in my name...)

If your relationship is otherwise good I think you need to compromise. Weed isn’t expensive if people only have an occasional joint. How much is he spending?

Hopefully he works and it comes out of his money. But if you're in debt he really can't be wasting money.

Does he work?

It would be a dealbraker for me too. Is it joint debt? Why is it in your name?

Yes, he works, but I earn three times as much - so essentially pay for everything (mortgage, most bills, etc. etc.). Debt in my name as his credit is shocking. Always has been - and I knew this when we first met.
I think what’s pissed me off the most is the lying - I’ve found out he’s doing this as a text came through to his phone when he was in the shower...
He’s probably spending about £60 per month - so not loads, but enough to be either paying off more on the mortgage, the loan, paying for a cleaner, etc. etc.

In which case he's a selfish arse.

How's it going OP?

You gave him another chance with the consequence that it would end if he did it again.
And he's doing it again.
You need to follow through and you know it.
Don't delay the inevitable.

I'd agree. It's time to go OP. Or to ask him to. He's abusing your trust.

Sorry! Had posted a message this morning but it seems to have disappeared

He’ll be going after Christmas. Had a chat - got the usual response of ‘I’ll change’ blah, blah, blah... but he won’t.
I don’t want him ducking out of Christmas responsibilities (that’s what he did last year), so that’s why I’ve said to leave after.