Loneliness

[Proudmummy2018]

Hey
I’ve been with my husband 19 years and married 14 I just feel so lonely we have 2 amazing kids and there brilliant company but I feel lonely in my marriage. My husdand works long hours and work during the day when he’s at work but he just doesn’t give me any time when he’s at home. Basically when the alarm goes in the morning I always get up with him dispite him waking at 5 and me not needing to wake till 7 but he never gets up with my he stays in bed for 15 minutes on his phone then gets up dressed and out the door, when he comes home he says hello to me and kids then will sit on his mobile phone for ages then depending on time when kids go bed he will spend the night on his phone or he falls asleep and there is no time for us to have any alone time not just for sex although that’s a very rare occurrence once every 3-4 weeks or even longer, some times would be lovely just to have his full attention and sit and talk but that never ever happens. For example this weekends Friday and Saturday night. The last couple weeks I’ve worked all weekend and he’s worked Saturdays this weekend we were both off Saturday and I’ve got to work few hours tomorrow (Sunday) I thought it would be lovely to have a nice evening together Friday night got us a little drink and though we could snuggle up on the sofa but nope that didn’t happened. Saturday he said we would spend the evening together got the kids all settled and in bed we put a movie on he left his phone up on the side but within 30 minutes he was asleep so nothing again. I don’t want to be the one who’s always grumpy but I feel really unhappy with having no time together. I get him being tired when he’s working as he works so hard and physical work but he can’t doesn’t be even stay up and awake with me when he’s off. He’s says I’m just grumpy all the time but it’s not themat I’m grumpy I’m so up happy with not getting anything or any time from him I can’t just act happy and act like everything is perfectly ok
Thanks for listening

I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely in your relationship, I sometimes feel that way too. I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 14 years, it is very often that he’s on his tablet whilst I’m sat there bored so go one my phone to fill up the time and space. I am quite open with him about how I feel and I say it how it is, even if maybe things don’t change. I still say it anyway in hopes they will.. Maybe you will have to make the first move (if you haven’t already) when it comes to sex... for me I have tried but no look.. the more research I do the more I come to the conclusion that most men get a Lower sex drive the longer they are in relationships. I wonder if that’s the issue here for ur hubby. Maybe u can be the one to run the bath for him and put candles out with a takeaway.. just setting the mood. If you have already done these things then I would do exactly what I am doing at the moment.. filling my time with things that I love an trying to not be needy (not saying you are , but I can be)... my thinking is the less needy I am the more he’ll want me.. he knows I’m always waiting for him for sex cuz I’d do it everyday if I could so maybe if you let him do the chasing and keep ur self busy and occupied it may shock him... I’m pretty sure you’ve probably down everything I’ve said but that’s where I am right now and I hope you manage to get things sorted

So many people are plugged in via phone addictively. Obsessively peering into others' lives, or filling their minds with conspiracy theories and useless facts and gossip, or porn...that they've stopped living their own lives.

I wouldn't stand for it and in your shoes I'd be checking his phone to see who and what he is looking at, that has made him so rudely detach himself from marriage and family life.

Depending on who/what it is, I'd be prepared to bail out. He's just not interested in you and you need to find out why. If you can't be blunt with him as to your issues after all these years then whats the point?

So you work, keep house sort the DCs but get zero companionship from him as he's always fiddling with his phone?

Bloody cheek of him, you need to raise hell. Don't mope and sit in loneliness, wake up and find out what's going on.

Don't some people talk bollocks...... run a bath for him?! Etc, you can be at your most loneliness in a marriage. I've been there.

It sounds like he is bored of you and doesn't fancy you any more.
Hard to get those things back in all honesty.
Do you want another 40 years of living off scraps?

@Natalieburney I’m not talking bollocks at all... some times if you reach out to ur other half and make an effort first it can be really beneficial on getting close... if he works a lot or is stressed it can help to relax a person, just like we would enjoy it, men would too. You don’t have to agree with me but I gave some advice and if this lady chooses to take it she can no one said she had too. And also it openly said I am lonely too, I’m in a long term relationship too and it can be difficult to keep a flame fuelled for each other after such a long time. So stop criticising others for trying to help not he only way they know how, and also seems as you think you know better drop some advice of your own to help rather than being so bloody judgmental.