Sleeping alone,

[bittersweeet]

Does anyone else go to bed every single night by themselves?
Am I over reacting to him not coming to bed every single night until stupid hours of the morning.
We argued to spend some time together tonight as we are both off work, he was in his computer for a while just sorting some work stuff out, comes into me at half 10 saying he's going out to his mates to drink and won't be home till late, I've no idea what to do anymore 😒😒

I wouldn’t be happy if my DH did that if I'm honest. What’s your gut feeling on this?

Yep me. But it's not good. It's shit. He complains about a lack of intimacy (I.e. sex) er...yep!

The problem is that he doesn't want to... but what is the reason why? Is he not tired at the time you want to retire, does he need some time alone or is he just frustrated and bored?

I'm a night owl and I need time alone to write and make music, I can't just work, do couple things and then sleep... at least not every night. But always going to bed separately is imho a sign of other things wrong.

Just makes me feel v lonely & then he wakes me up (accidentally) & then I feel v cross!

My husband works in Germany so I got to bed alone every day. It's normal to me.

He's just addicted to his computer, he comes to bed at 2/3 ish but then moans all the time he's tired, I'm fumming he's fucked off to his mates house after he was the one who said we'd spend some time together, we literally do NOTHING together we've been together for nearly 2 years and in the last year we've not done anything alone or date nights, he's just pissed me off that's all

If you arrange something will he do it with you?
Do you have children?

Sounds like he's using the computer to escape reality then. Only two years together and things are that bad. They rarely improve so unless there's a specific issue that needs resolving, you have a tough choice ahead of you. 3am is not conducive to normal hours of working or relationships (sure, people work nights, but if he's got to function at 8am, you've a problem)

@PurpleWithRed god no he always makes a massive deal out of it or moans about it, I have a daughter from a previous relationship but none together

@showmeshoyu
This is what I keep saying to him, he's to be up at 6:30 am every morning for work, so he's not sleeping much at all, I'm just at the end of my patience with him

We always go to bed together no matter what,if dh is tired before me I'll still go up and vice versa.It works for us it gives us chance to have a cuddle (or more) and a bit of pillow talk before sleep.

It sounds like he has some kind of problem that you're currently in the dark about. Randomly leaving to "see friends" on his own after 10 at night is not what I'd consider to be the behaviour of a normal partner. However, the good thing is that you're not forced to try to unwind the addictions or other weird stuff going on. By the sounds of it, 50% of your relationship has been poor and you have no children together. So it could very easily become "not your problem" anymore. I'm sorry though, it sounds awful.

My husband and I keep totally different sleep patterns but I don’t see it as an infringement on our relationship .. more an annoyance.
We still manage regular dates and sex but lifestyle and work habits are very different.
Do you think he is doing something bad ?

I know he's just playing stupid games on his computer..he's a 27 year old man 🙃🙃I don't think he's doing anything bad but it does make me feel like he'd rather not spend time with me, the only time we every spend together is at the dinner table so an hour a day really 🙃

Is there a reason he's using the games to escape though, I wonder? I have video games in the house, I don't play them until 3am. The only time I'm up at 3am is if I'm at a party or I have crushing mental things going on that won't allow me to sleep. Different patterns is one thing, especially with work but living separate lives, well it is what it is.

@showmeshoyu I've no honestly no idea, I've asked him why he spends so long on them and he just says he just doesn't get bored so he only comes to bed when he can feel himself starting to fall asleep 😒 he gets all shitty with me when I'm laying across the bed and he has to move me 😒

Also, artificial screen glare prevents melatonin production iirc I.e. using a computer or a phone when you're not tired enough to sleep won't get you to sleep. Has he tried reading?

This would upset me. Me and DH have our best talks in bed. I think you need to 59 address it.

He doesn't read 🙈 he just says it's something he likes to do, I watch tv and watch a load of make up videos so he says it's the same as that apparently 🤷🏻‍♀️

I just don't k is why he'd rather spend time with his mates than me 🤷🏻‍♀️ we've been living together just under a year and this is the shit that's going on 😩

Find someone who wants to be with you..this idiot does not..you haven’t been together long enough to warrant wasting any more precious time on him. Try to work out an escape route, take your daughter & head for the hills..things will only get worse if you stay & be subject to this vile behaviour.

I don't share a bed with my husband ,

I know he's just playing stupid games on his computer..he's a 27 year old man

And you're sat on here gossiping with us! Come on, get real, you're blowing this up into something bigger than it is and attracting the typical trolls who will try to get you to split up for no reason at all. Get some perspective.