OH’s family - best way to manage

[FloralTeacup]

I know it’s so common for people to find their OH’s family irritating, or otherwise blatantly hate them. I really don’t want this to be the case for me, however I’m already experiencing niggling things, 3 years into being with DP.

As an introvert, I’m easily overwhelmed and drained being around a lot of people at once. Particularly when they’re a high energy group. I may, on more than one occasion, have feigned illness as an excuse to not join in with the antics downstairs when they’re all round DP’s parents. Sometimes, I just don’t feel mentally prepared to have to socialise and be a part of things. For example, when they have the “brilliant” idea have an elaborate games night/murder mystery on a birthday/Christmas/any occasion, I am filled with dread. It’s frustrating, because I want to get to know them all better, but I do that best by chatting to someone over a cup of tea. Not when I’m dizzy in the midst of the chaos! I get along with them well, there’s no tension in that regard. I just have been getting irritated by some of their ways. Which isn’t helped when DP and I come to his parents nearly every weekend for some reason or another.

Could just do with some advice on how to prevent this slippery slope into becoming much worse!

Bless you OP, I'm sorry to say it sounds totally like my thing, Murder Mystery shenanigans, is right up my street. It sounds like it's just far too chaotic for you lovely. Does your DH not understand that sometimes it's just too much for you ? could he maybe not always agree to attending these nights/events

@BumbleBeee69

Thank you for your support, you sound so lovely. I was afraid people were going to tell me I’m a miserable cow!

In the right circumstances and the right people, I enjoy some games and the like. I like to be daft with things; games you don’t have to take seriously! But they’re generally the sort to take it all quite seriously.

It’s not just the games thing with them. It’s things like going on days out as a family with them, being that group of 8 wanting a table in a small restaurant! It makes me feel a little embarrassed, coming from a small, low-key family. They seem to have the ability to turn everything into a big family affair.

DP knows I often feel overwhelmed, and is very understanding. I do stay at home some weekends when he goes to his parents. But when it’s for a birthday, I can’t really stay back. Sometimes when we’re at his parents, his siblings and their families turn up unannounced (they’re all very local). This happened today; it became a family affair to decorate the house for Christmas...

Offer to take the dog for a walk or nip off to the shops to get hot chocolate ingredients for a treat. Any excuse to give you some peace and reset your head

That kind of game sounds awful, I'd hate it.

Visiting parents weekly seems a bit much. We live way too far to our families to see people every week. I'd hate to be beholden to an arrangement every weekend.

It's family live trivial pursuit. They are so competitive, I hate it.

@Technical

Should become less frequent after the festive season (I’m hoping anyway!).

Are your in-laws a fan of games as well? Just can’t work out what’s wrong with just sitting around with a cup of tea/glass of wine and having a chat!

I come from a big family. Far more than 8 when inlaws/ gc all together.( more like 50!!) My dh can't cope with the noise, the banter, the 5 conversations going on at once. But of course l love it as its whats familiar to me.
Good idea only to go sometimes. There is no need to see them more than once a month. Don't critisise them to dh as they are close and that is painful. There is no right or wrong family just different. But l think acceptance is the key. They are who they are and it sounds fun . Even saying one turned up unexpectedly. Thats family. Its ok. When ye have dc l bet they will love that house. My dc love my family home and love the racket and wouldn't miss the family occasions even when they were teens hating everything.
My dh brings his own car to family stuff as he can leave when he wants and l don't have to worry about him as l am certainly not leaving until the fun ends.
Also when they start games just opt out and say you will keep an eye on someones baby or read the paper.

@junebirthdaygirl

Thank you for your advice. I agree, there’s no “right” or “wrong” way to do things. It’s just a case of trying to manage the overwhelming times a bit better I suppose! I can see it being a fun environment for DC. I used to enjoy family parties as a child. I think as a 20-something adult it’s harder because it’s no longer acceptable to skulk off into your bedroom like a teenager... some good ideas for opting out, though!

Although his family like me, there are moments when I feel out of place. For example, DP’s mum will offer to make him something for lunch (I’ll be stood next to DP). If he says no, he’s not bothered, she won’t then ask me. Luckily when this last occurred, I’d eaten whilst I was out! Just lots of little thoughtless things like that get to me; they’re not just one-offs.

Yup, they love board games but apply the rules and argue so much all the fun is lost (or the little there was). They also last for many hours and those not interested in playing are expected to spectate. Boorish shouting that takes the boredom up to 11.