Giving evidence against my Ex

[wonderwoman2018]

I am about to give evidence against the man who assaulted me earlier this year. He assaulted me and I called the police, he was arrested and subsequently charged. I am terrified of coming face to face with him and having my version (the true version) of events picked to pieces by his defence barrister, as he continues to plead not guilty, despite the overwhelming evidence and pictures of my injuries. I am not quite sure how I am going to get through it. If anyone has been through similar and has some positive stories please share with me, as I really do need all the support I can get. My family and friends have been amazing and I am extremely lucky to have them but I am starting to struggle with this

I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Are you getting any advice from victim support? They were invaluable when I was in your situation. They arranged for me to be in a desperate room at the court, and give my evidence from behind a screen so I never saw my ex.
Women's Aid also helped me deal with the emotional side, it's such a difficult situation to process.
My ex was the same. He even made counter allegations, but the Court saw through the lies. The evidence doesn't lie.
I hope you get the result you deserve and wish you strength

MrsTommyBanks - thank you for your message. I have turned down the special measures because it was important for me to face him in court and show him that I am no longer scared. I didn't want to be seen to hide but I am now beginning to think for my own self preservation and stress levels I should have agreed to the use of a screen, or to sit in another room to give my evidence. I will try and hold on to your powerful words that the evidence doesn't lie. The evidence can prove no other version of events and they completely support the pictures of my injuries, but it doesn't seem to be helping me at the moment.

You can change your mind about the special measures. There is no purpose putting yourself under extra pressure. Just going to court and making sure he faces justice is incredibly brave and more than many ever find the strength for.
Just do whatever makes the Day easier for you, be kind to yourself.
I know you are amazing doing what you are doing. And as a random stranger who doesn't matter I'm proud of you.
Every step me make to fight back makes it a little bit easier for women in the future.

Also you can phone Women's Aid at any time your feeling overwhelmed and they will talk to you.
I remember walking home from my GP a couple of days before court. I was terrified and literally sobbed down the phone all the way back to an amazing woman who just listened and reassured me.

You have no idea what it means to me that you have taken the time to reply to me, especially as someone who knows and understands exactly how I feel right now, Amazing as my family and friends are being, they have no real idea about my depth of feelings and fears. It is overwhelming and paralysing if you get what I mean. I have been unable to think about anything else for days and it is exhausting. On the flip side I am still so glad that I took that step and reported him after the final assault. The last few months without him in my life have been some of the most peaceful months I have had in years and my dcs are benefiting hugely from our new life together. The court hearing will be my closure and I will walk out of the court and not look back.

Exactly. It will be hard, and yes I totally understand the tidal wave of fear and emotions. But it will be closure and you will feel so strong for doing it. I promise.
I actually had some low strength diazepam from my GP for the day itself, which really helped take the edge off of my anxiety.
How long is it until the court date?
If it helps at all feel free to PM me, I'm happy to offer a hand hold or listen to a vent

Hand hold and support here from me. I couldn't do what you are doing 40,30 years ago (couldn't face / wasn't believed/didn't know/ was too scared to/ was too frightened) to do what you so very bravely are doing, and now it's too late as all the fuckers are dead now.
But, whatever you decide to do will be right for you, right now. Just as what I did was right for me then.
Huge un MN hugs xxxxx

I have found recently talking everything through with a Rape Crisis counsellor so helpful. And doing the Freedom Programme, even though I escaped from the abusive first husband more than 35 years ago and have been in a happy relationship for more than 30 years since the abuse ended.

chickenloverwoman - I am so sorry that you felt that way all those years ago, I cannot begin to imagine what you went through. Fortunately times appear to have changed and we are believed now, we are listened too, and we are taken seriously. I wish that the support was available back then that it available today. I am not brave, believe me, I had no choice but to call the police as my injuries were such that there was no way I could have hidden it or come up without another lie about how they had happened. I was in fear of my life and had to call someone, it just happened to be the police. The decision to prosecute was taken out of my hands, so I don't consider myself to be brave but thank you. The court hearing is only a couple of days away so not too much longer to wait and I can hopefully put this behind me and move forward with my life. I wish you well xx

While you might think it’s important that you ‘face him’ in court, you don’t literally need to see him. The use of a screen is pretty common and if you feel you won’t be able to give evidence well if you can see him, then ask for one. Nobody will think any less of you or your evidence.

Regarding giving evidence itself, you will just tell the prosecutor what happened. Yes, the defence advoate will put your ex’s version to you and suggest that you are lying or mistaken. But it’s just a series of questions and you answer them. A truthful witness always comes across well so while it can seem intimidating, try not to be too scared. It’s really just a conversation. The court is just a room and the people speaking to you are just, well people. Good luck.

Lovely you don't have to "face" him if it's not what you now want. Use the screens etc. It's never too late to ask!
And, if any of the fuckers were still alive, be assured I'd go after them with the law, now . That's what getting listened to, believed and having good councelling and therapy does!

Just wanted to say how brave and strong you are and a fantastic example to your DCs. I hope reliving the ordeal is not too dreadful and he gets a massive sentence.

Wishing you a Happy & peaceful Christmas and a fantastic New Year ahead.

Good luck OP

Remember the defence solicitor is being paid to do a job.... it’s not personal for them. They might put on a bit of a performance so I find it best not to look at them when you reply to the question. So, you can look at them when they are asking but then you address your answer to either the magistrate or jury ( depending on the court.... sorry if it’s Crown and I missed that fact). It may be that your ex will change his plea to guilty when you get started.... so many victims fail to attend that defendants initially plead not guilty in the hope they won’t appear and the case is thrown out. You shouldn’t pin your hopes on it but don’t be surprised if it happens. Really it’s a bit nerve wracking but nowhere near as bad as surviving the initial assault. Think of it as a trip to the dentists and keep positive - “ this too shall pass”

Good luck 💐

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and wishing you luck. Hope court goes well

I just thought I would pop back to thank everyone of you who has taken the time to send messages of support on both this and previous threads about my situation.

Thanks to the wonderful people in my life and the many messages I have received, I managed to face the demon in court and tell my story. I quietly and calmly gave my evidence and held my own while the defence barrister tried to twist the true version of events into something else. I even managed to explain my injuries in detail without breaking down. My ex was subsequently found guilty of his crimes and will now finally face justice for what he put me through.

I feel better than ever, my dc are happy and settled in our new home and I am quite honestly the happiest I have been for years. I so wish I had left sooner and saved so much misery. I got to bed each night with peace of mind and I wake up each morning looking forward to the daty ahead.

I hope that anyone who finds themselves in the same situation as I found myself in will muster every bit of strength to leave. I can honestly say I will never look back. X

wonderwoman2018 what a wonderful update. Onwards and upwards for you and your DC

Congratulations and well done.

Men like this need to face consewuences for their actions. I thank you for helping make this happen.

Well done

Delighted for you @wonderwoman2018 I hope you can soon put all this behind you and live again. Well done that girl