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DH has a problem with my friends....

6 replies

Shattered · 03/08/2002 11:33

My dh has a habit of belittling my close friends (not to their face - just to me) and I'm wondering if other husbands or partners have a tendency to do this. He likes a couple of my friends but he seems to have a problem with the ones I am closest to. He refers to one of them as a brainless/dumb blonde, one as neurotic and the other one as a witch - I can't help feeling that his view of my friends somehow reflects on me. He has no reason for disliking any of them, as they have always been nice enough to him. One of these women had a party for her 40th last night, so we went along but dh let me know a number of times that he didn't wish to go. While we were there, he didn't make much attempt to enjoy himself and looked as though he was having a rotten time. I have been to so many of his work functions with him and I'm always nice to his work friends & associates, but I don't know why he can't show me the same respect. Is this some kind of chauvinism or something??!! When we're with my family, he tends to do the same thing (sits there looking bored), but with his work colleagues he's a completely different person - the life of the party almost. This might sound ridiculous but I feel as though he is putting me down through his attitude to my friends & family. Does this kind of behaviour sound familiar to anyone?

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Tortington · 03/08/2002 16:12

its another power game isnt it , like many threads on here, men play these power games, why dont you look bored at the next function of his sit in a chair and dont mingle when he asks why say "you do it and i just cant be bothered making the effort!"
you are quite right respect is mutual. my hubby doesnt like some of my friends, but he is always civil to them, when they leave the house he may say something unfair or make some sour comments i just tell him where to get off! i think a great partner is one who recognises what makes each other happy, some of his friends are just dogs, he has gone out sometimes and got into trouble but he is a grown up and can make his own decisions as to who his friends are , so can i!
ps
have you got mothing to blackmail him with? if not you should start a dossier! lol! gets them off yer back all the time!

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meadow · 03/08/2002 18:57

How would he like it if you started belittling his friends? Guys nearly always seem to have a problem with their partner?s mates. A similar thing happened to me many years ago when I was dating. My then boyfriend was always making snide remarks about my friends ? I was so besotted with him that I went out less and less with my friends until I stopped seeing them altogether. I started hanging around with his mates girlfriends, but about a year later we split up and guess what ? I had no friends of my own. I had to start making friends all over again and vowed never to drop them for any man, no matter how much he objected.

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sobernow · 03/08/2002 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shattered · 04/08/2002 08:09

What is their problem, honestly?! My girlfriend rang last night while I was cooking dinner, so I chatted to her on the cordless phone while I kept cooking. After a while dh got up from the couch, came into the kitchen and asked loudly if dinner was ready yet and then he started to serve out his own dinner. I hung up a few minutes later and he told me I should have called her back instead of talking to her, and muttered about my friends calling at inappropriate times. He really seems to have a problem with them, but at least it sounds like he's not the only man who does this. I should try it on him sometime and see how he likes it.

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littlesister · 04/08/2002 09:39

I personally think a lot of this is jealously. Perhaps he doesn't like you being so close to your mates and feels threatened by this.

If I was you, I'd just treat his remarks with the comtempt that they deserve and completely ignore them. Personally, if he carries on being such a party pooper, I'd suggest that any future functions you'd go on my own to (or better still take one of your friends with you) - he'll soon get the message and perhaps start being abit more civil to people.

Friends are so important, you just never know when you may need them.