What would you do? Parent having operation

[boylovesmeerkats]

This might seem like a really silly question but I'm clueless about this stuff.

My dad is having major surgery next week, I live in a different city and I guess I'm his next of kin. Dad is single and my brother isn't really around so there isn't really anyone else.

I'm planning to go up there on the day he has his op, stop with my mum for the night and be around when he gets out of surgery and then the next day. He'll probably be in for a couple of weeks but I can't be around for a lot of it.

My dad has taken some persuading that I should go, as he'll be out of it. My mum is making out that it's kind of pointless too, but surely people go to see relatives when they've had operations? I wouldn't go to be entertained, just want to make sure he's ok and it went well etc. Or is this unnecessary?

I've obviously never had to deal with this before and don't want to be in the way of medical staff etc.

Anyone else had a parent go through something similar?

I would definitely visit a member of my immediate family. With you saying you're his next of kin, are your parents divorced? You then say you're staying with your mum who thinks it's pointless visiting him?

Sorry, yes they're divorced. They do get on quite well but I don't think my mum would go to the hospital.

She doesn't think it's pointless me going, just that maybe I don't need to go on the day of the op. My dad is the same. To be honest they're both tough as old boots and maybe slightly messing with my head without meaning to.

Definitely go and dont listen if they tell you otherwise. My mum had a major op for cancer earlier this year and the whole thing affected me more than I expected. It was a bumpy ride after the op with possible infections and I also found that I was useful at home in a practical sense (meal making, washing) as well as providing emotional support for my dad.

Has your dad actually asked you to be there?

Yes you should go despite them being stoic. Tell them you'll be a lot happier going than worrying at home.

In similar circumstances, I did go on the day of surgery, but DF was in ICU and was not aware - it was more for me. However, he will probably need you most when he is discharged. Even after major surgery in your 80s you are likely to be discharged in 6-8 days.

Thanks, nice to know different experiences. My dad wouldn't ask me to go either way, but hasn't asked anyone else and at least if I go I can let people know how it goes etc.

Feel a bit clearer on things after a good sleep, nothing like parents to confuse you!

I'm sure he will need help when he's home but he's still young in early 60s and that's easy to do over Christmas.

I’m going to go against the grain...
I had major surgery a couple of years ago. I was on the afternoon list and I wasn’t compos mentis until 9pm. I felt so grotty the next day, that visitors were not a pleasant experience.
The time I really needed a visitor was about day 4/5 when I felt a bit better but still shit and it had dawned on me that recovery was going to be a long haul....I was teary and quite bored by that point...
hope it all goes well!

Thanks, it is a lung one but could be anything from not having to remove much to removing the whole thing, depending. It's a bit of a weird, benign thing he's got going on. Maybe on the day I'll just pop in to see how it went and might at least prepare me for a longer visit the next day.

I hope it goes well and he makes a speedy recovery.

If you're planning one overnight stay with your mother, it would probably be more useful to delay it by a day. You could ring the ward to find out how the surgery has gone and then visit the 2nd and 3rd days. If your dad is used to being on his own, he won't need visitors on the day of the op and might prefer you to visit when he's more able to participate.

At least, that's how I felt when I had surgery. I did speak to my dd when she rang in the evening for a few minutes, but really wasn't up to visitors till the next afternoon.

Hope all goes well.