Moved to new (ish) city feeling very lonely

[Newtothiskindathing]

Hi all,

Long time lurker but first post today. I moved to Manchester from London just over a year ago when DD was 5 months old. We lived in London before and had good jobs, lots of friends, lovely NCT group etc.

We moved just before Christmas so I didn't do lots of baby groups as they shut up shop til NY then went to a few different ones before going back to work 4 days a week in the Feb. I'm usually a confident, chatty, happy to talk to anyone kind of person and wasn't worried about moving as was sure we would settle in and make friends.

A year on now....my DH has friends at work but they don't socialise outside of work. Im in academia which is very lonely and everyone in their own office so not made any 'friends' although nice colleagues. I've made a few 'mum friends' off apps but no one I could call to chat to or go on a night out with just for strolls around the park/to accompany to baby group.

I feel like a year on I'm still drifting with no close friends and not sure what to do now. We still see old friends for the odd weekend and have lovely families but I spend a lot of time looking at groups of mums out together and feeling horribly sad and left out that I don't have that.

I don't expect sympathy as we chose to move etc etc but anyone else been in a similar position? AIBU to think we would have a whole new social group in a year?

Thanks !

Hi New, I didn’t want to read and run. I made the same move a few years ago and it is hard work establishing new friendships. I had to put a lot of effort in.

I don’t know if MN still so meet ups? Might be worth checking out the MN local page to where you are. I made some cracking friends from here.

A baby group on your day off is your best option I think. You just have to get to them and find one that suits you. Facebook pages might help. Then it’s plaster on a big smile even when it’s the last thing you want to do.

My local park runs buggy fitness sessions - might be worth looking if there’s anything around where you are?

But I’m afraid it’s all about getting yourself out there, which is bloody hard.

You’ll meet more people when your LO starts school too. Things will get better.

Thanks for your reply! Sensible ideas and I'm glad other people have found it a bit hard too I'm sure we will get there eventually!

Which part of Manchester? Maybe us locals can suggest some things to do to meet new people.

What are your likes/dislikes? Manchester is great, something for everyone. People are generally friendly. I have friends mainly through nursery and now school. Also whats your day off?

We are in Chorlton. That would be great! Likes- walks (when not raining), going for lunch/coffee, out for dinner, staying in and chilling- anything really! There are loads of baby groups but I find often people chat briefly and then just drift off when they have finished. A bit harder now as DD is a proper toddler 19 months so I always have to keep an eye on her too.

You’re not that far from me, but I’m no good to you as mine are teens. Have you tried local Facebook pages for groups?

Do try to make some connections on here - MN was an absolute god send when I moved up.

Thanks Nicknames I'll have a look for facebook groups :) How long have you lived her for?

Coming up to 9 years. I love living here, but I think it’s easier when the DCs are older to get out and about more.

Although I do love the baby years!

Do you and your DH get out much? Have you a good babysitter?

We do (at the moment) a good friend of ours lives close by and babysits whenever we need to and we have family within 40 minutes so not too bad. Theres a chance our friend will soon be moving though so I think that's partly why me and dh are having a wobble- we are so used to doing things with them it'll be very different if they are gone!

Glad to hear you love it I do love the area and can see us being really happy here when we feel properly 'settled'. Im still in the looking back to London and wishing we were there but keep conveniently forgetting we didn't have a DC then so our days of spontaneous cocktails and beers on the common are long gone...

You are close to me, Im urmston. i have a friend who runs very good baby and toddler groups in Stretford and Urmston so ive asked her for details. I know she does it with a focus on mums getting support rather than just as an activity for children. Depends on your day off whether thats any good for you.

I think baby groups can be hard to make friends at. Friendships stay very superficial unless you 'click' with someone.

I went to toddler groups for years have made very few friends from it.

I know what its like when you keep trying to make friends and then people are really hard to meet up with. I guess its because everyone is so busy. It does help to have children the same age as getting together to occupy kids eventually builds friendships.

I was also going to mention the very lovely Longford park which is on the Chorlton Stretford border, it was a lovely coffee and cake shop plus a small animal area and an athletics stadium which runs fab biking mornings where you can ride all kinds of bikes. Youve got to try it, especially as your dc get older.

I would offer to meet you there sometime but be warned my 2 dc charge all over the place! Also in case you were worried, my username is misleading. I am neither zen nor nudist!