Guilty or Not

[HelloItsMe]

Not going to go into much detail.
It's about cheating.. so would you say if you accused someone of cheating and they
Swear on all childrens lives, go to a priest and swear to him, say you'll go to counselling, put the blame on other people, defensive, be completely on edge etc ... Is this normal behaviour for someone who is wrongly accused or they are guilty and nervous? I've googled a few times and answers seem to contradict... So what's your personal experience or what do you reckon?

No. That's not normal behaviour.

Go to a priest? Unless they're devoutly religious what would this prove?

Kind of depends on how you’re asking and the whole scenario

The priest part also made me think wtf? No not really that religious, they attend church on special occasions... And then when they said "I've been to the priest" expected me to believe them more? Just thought it was a strange thing to do/say.

Generally I have found that anyone who "swears on their children's/mothers/whoever's lives" is a great big lying liar.

Offering to go for counselling - if I was innocent and my partner accused me of cheating I'd think they were controlling and paranoid so if I didn't dump them for it I'd at least be insisting that they went for counselling, not me!

IME swearing on the kids lives etc nearly always indicates guilty because there are absolutely no consequences for that - no one ever dropped dead because someone else swore on their life.

However giving someone full access to your phone, email, not being evasive, total transparency etc does have consequences if you're guilty (i.e you'll either be caught out or have to curb what you're doing and when/how).

I don't swear on my children's lives. Ever. About anything. Nor do I give a fuck about a priests opinion of me.

However when ex h continually accused me of cheating, went through my phone followed me to work etc yes I was on edge. I suggest counselling and the rest.

I was very on edge. It was torture having to deal with it all the time.

And no, I wouldn't give he drew access to everything. I am a person and I am entitled to my own privacy. He invaded that over and over again.

My now DP trusts me completely and if he asked to go in my phone I would let him have a look. I wouldn't let him go through all my messages to friends. That's their privacy as well as mine.

But if he snooped we would be done.

What was the reason for accusing him of cheating in the first place? Surely there’s more to this story than just your accusation and his response - because I presume people falsely accused will act in a variety of different ways.

It's not actually my partner I'm referring to.. it's my sister and her husband, she is confiding in me alot about this as we are very close also. She asks me what I think , there is definitely ALOT of things that have suggested he has been cheating.. Photos of him outside places waiting at strange times when she thinks he's somewhere else, but not actually a photo of him in bed , going to concerts and the person he is meant to be going with just so happens to be their and he didn't know they were going even though they have the same place of work and talk all week (lied that he was going to concert btw)
She asks me if I think he's guilty and I just don't know but I think his reaction to it has been so sooo strange, but because Im quite off with him he's actually trying to blame me?? Trying to say I'm the one now started it? When I really really haven't!!
So now since she's still not sure she is asking me do I think he is just trying to prove to me he's innocent? But part of me really thinks it's a guilty attitude .

Sorry for spelling errors, there's a few 🙄

My exH swore on our daughter’s life he hadn’t cheated.

He had. A lot. So I’d be inclined to say someone’s pants are on fire because swearing on someone’s life is a weird thing to do in general.

She asks me if I think he's guilty and I just don't know

Of course you know!

Who was taking photos of him at strange places? That's weird?

Guilty as hell - but your sister needs definitive proof.

My husband denied and denied everything, swore on peoples lives, he was an emotional cheater, even though I saw messages and would smash his phone up or if he had time would delete any trace of messages.

I brushed it under the carpet and then a few months later he would do it again and we would follow the same pattern above apart from I would bring up previous incidents which he would then admit to.

I finally kicked him out this year after 17 years- as far as I know he never had a physical affair but its the total lack of respect which killed any kind of love I had for him.

Only your sister can decide when enough is enough, she doesn't have to have proof he cheated, she can end their marriage if she wanted.

All of those could go either way. Defensiveness is not good, but it depends if the accusations are coming from you all the while.

As for swearing on lives, I'm very superstitious and so I wouldn't swear on anyone's lives as I'd be worried I was tempting fate, however, for that very reason, if I was being accused of something I hadn't done and I was desperate to show my innocence, I probably would say this, but only if I was 100% innocent.

I'd also be on edge if I was innocent as I'd be worried about not being believed.

Sorry I'm not being much help! these things could honestly be taken either way. What other evidence do you have?

Sorry my phone didn't update the other replies until after I'd posted so I've just seen your update. With all that in mind, I'd say even without his responses being a bit off, he is definitely being dodgy and I think your sister is right to be worried

All sounds very bizarre. I'm not quite getting the jist, but she thinks he's having an affair with someone from work? If my DP told me he'd gone to swear his innocence to a priest I'd be calling him out on that. For a start i believe you go to confession with a priest not plead your innocence for shagging someone from work 🤔 Has he also popped along to his GP to tell them too? (Both of which are bound by confidentiality regardless so that's beyond a weird, strange waste of everyone's time).

I had a message come up on my phone from him saying "I'VE JUST GONE TO SPEAK TO THE PRIEST AMY AND UNLESS YOU HAVE 100% PROOF OF ACCUSATIONS MADE THEN YOU SHOULDN'T THINK I'M GUILTY?" like what!!!
How the hell would I have 100% proof if there was no proof to have? I thought that was strangely worded and also I wasn't even the one made any accusations atall, even though he knew that to begin with but tried to twist it on me and now say I have? Confusing.

Guilty as hell.