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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I have upset my friend because im rubbish at texting.....

19 replies

nightowl · 23/06/2007 21:41

Honest opinions because i dont feel like ive done anything wrong but im not really sure.

Friend is very upset with me, has been off with me for a couple of days.

Friend is saying i ignore her texts so obviously dont care etc.

But the thing is, i dont always reply to texts, its just how i am. Texts were great and fun when i was 21 but i dont sit for ages texting away now. I never thought anything of it because i speak to her on the phone every night anyway.

Im at work full time now and i sit in reception, we have customers, suppliers, regional managers, directors and all sorts of people in from head office on an almost daily basis plus the boss always walking past. I cant be seen too often with a phone in my hand! Plus (and this sounds like a feeble excuse but) i have recently had a new mobile, one of those touch screen things and it is so easy to call someone by accident, or delete what you are writing that it takes me an age to send a text. friend works for herself so she can more or less do what she wants.

the other thing i wondered about really is with my other friends, we often dont reply to texts unless its a direct question. Like K may send me a text telling me she is at the fair with the kids and having a great time etc..i read it, smile and think that we will talk about it later by telephone call, i do the same to her and she doesnt reply. it never entered my head that this might be upsetting someone.

ive tried to explain, ive said i just didnt realise how it was upsetting her, she knows about work and why im keen to not put a foot wrong there. she said the fact she sent so many texts this particular day should have alerted me to the fact she was unhappy and that just a couple of words from me would have made a difference, but that has happened before and then she was hurt that my message was not long enough!

have i been terribly ignorant and unfair?

OP posts:
mummytosteven · 23/06/2007 21:42

I think she is being unreasonable, and expecting you to be a mind reader.

charliecat · 23/06/2007 21:44

Oh god, you are me.
Your not being ignorant, and she should text someone else if she wants an instant response IMO.

Dior · 23/06/2007 21:45

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babyblue2 · 23/06/2007 21:46

IMO you haven't. She's not really a friend is she. I had a friend who told me she was my best friend in the world and didn't need any one else (i ignored this) and as soon as I needed her as a shoulder to cry on when going through a tough time when DD2 was born she told me by text that i was selfish and miserable which was nothing compared to the earbending she gave me for a year. I 'dumped' her by text. Not real friends but as i say just my opinion.

FioFio · 23/06/2007 21:46

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FioFio · 23/06/2007 21:47

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southeastastra · 23/06/2007 21:48

my boss sends texts to me at 8am on sunday mornings.argh

though i find it easier to text my sisters rather than talk to them on the phone

nightowl · 23/06/2007 21:50

oh i have to say that she is always there for me if i need someone, there's never a time when she wouldn't make five minutes for me but her kids are grown up and like i say, she works for herself so its perhaps a bit easier.

if i'd have known how bad she felt perhaps i would have sneaked off to the loo to send a text, but i didnt know.

OP posts:
babyblue2 · 23/06/2007 21:55

Ok, so thats in her nature, but not in yours. Perhaps if she'd communicated better instead of going around the long way about it you would've responded.

nightowl · 23/06/2007 22:02

i will happily make time for any friend who is upset. i once practically put my life on hold to talk to a friend for hours every night when she was going through a bad time. but i just cant at work, not possible, and the texts didnt really indicate there was anything wrong.

OP posts:
Dior · 23/06/2007 22:04

Message withdrawn

babyblue2 · 23/06/2007 22:05

What i was saying was she should've made herself clear that there was a problem. I meant it perhaps wasn't in your nature to respond to all texts received - just in case you got the wrong end of the stick.

lizziemun · 23/06/2007 22:18

Nightowl

My freinds and family no longer send me texts or emails as they know that i am useless when it comes to them.

If they can't get me on the phone they ring dh, to pass the message on.

nightowl · 23/06/2007 22:18

you're right babyblue2, i just dont respond to every text, its how the rest of my friends are so i never realised it could be hurtful!

OP posts:
nightowl · 23/06/2007 22:21

emails and typing on here i can do no problem, because obviously if im on here its by choice, even if i am popping away doing other things at the same time and, im incredibly quick at typing when i want to be, (not saying my spelling will be up to much!) texting is just an arse.

OP posts:
babyblue2 · 23/06/2007 22:21

i don't think it is hurtful, i think your friend is just a bit overly sensitive. She also sounds a bit clingy and possessive to fall out with you over this. Speaking from experience that is.

nightowl · 23/06/2007 22:30

i never meant to argue over it, but when ive explained that i really didnt realise and it goes down like a lead balloon i get frustrated and then it comes out as anger! then i started thinking i was being awful!

OP posts:
Dior · 23/06/2007 22:32

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Mommalove · 23/06/2007 23:28

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