Meeting someone after 40

[user1490465531]

Please help.Just having a wobble as turning 40 still single and wondering if I should of dated more in my 30s and everyone seems to think chances of finding a decent partner as a woman are slim once you hit 40 and over.
Be great to hear any success stories of finding love after 40 to cheer me up.

unlikely is my view. most men on the shelf at this age are there for a reason.

but if you are a cosy slippers kind of woman and want a similar mate, I think you will get more takers.

my advice: keep your standards high, and keep an eye out for red flags.

the odds definitely stacked against a woman after a certain age. online dating the worst. I think real life better .

Snowwontbelong - Ooooo, I'm almost 43...... there may be time for me yet :) Thanks for that.

most men on the shelf at this age are there for a reason.

You could say the same for women then surely?

And just because someone is looking for a relationship doesn't mean they're 'on the shelf'. A lot of people in their 40s will be divorced or coming out of a long-term relationship. Phrases like 'on the shelf' imply there is something superior about being married, but god knows you only have to look at other posts on this board to realise that being in a relationship is no guarantee of being a great person.

the odds definitely stacked against a woman after a certain age.

I think that's a myth - just more of the nonsense written about 'older' women.

Differentstrokes - I used to think that, that everyone ‘left’ so to speak must have something wrong with them.
And tbh, loads of them did!
BUT there are men like my DP who are the exception. Both he and - and my brother -were each in long term marriages that they were committed to making work, both with women who didn’t appreciate them or the life they had and were worn down by the end of it, with low self esteem.
In my brother’s case, he’s met a lovely lady who has 2 children, and is more of a dad to them than their biological dad. He does everything in his power to make his DP and then happy, as well as his own DD.

My DP doesn’t have children of his own, but has become a major part of my DD’s life. It’s evident that she totally adores him, and vice versa.

There are good men out there!

Agree it’s harder to meet someone but there ARE DEFINITELY some good ones out there; the difference is he may well come with children. Certainly don’t settle, but be open to different ways of meeting people and different life-stage setups.

I did have kids but met my incredible dh at 38. I would’ve been lucky to have met him first time around, never mind second. It is definitely possible.

I think it's easier to date at 45/50 than at 25/30. The latter group are mainly married or in LTR, just starting families etc. Several of the former group are divorcing/separating so are available. I also find that most middle-aged people (not all, of course) want to commit rather than play the field, whereas lots of people in their 20s don't want to settle down yet.

I've never tried OLD but my fortyish friends (male and female) have never struggled to find dates. Obv they don't all lead to relationships, but plenty do.

There are more potential problems at 35+ with exes and children of course. But people of that age who are dating, expect that.

@differentstrokesfolks wow, so I'm 43 and 'on the shelf' for a reason then? Total nonsense. Yes some of them will be single because they are rubbish partners but many of them could be single due to genuine breakdown of relationship or perhaps have focused on careers.
I personally think dating over 40 now isn't that much different to in your 20/30s. In this day and age, marriages don't (seem) to last like they used to so there are many people becoming single again at that age. Also we have OLD now. Whilst it can be a minefield, it does make it easier for people who don't go out to bars etc.

I have a couple of friends in their 40s who meet men no problem. Can't say the first man one friend met was a catch, my advice would be take it slowly and don't get very involved very quickly! But she's met someone else now who seems really nice and another has clicked with someone she has known for years and has never been happier. Both are about 44 I think.

I'm 41 and met my partner on POF last year, he's 51. I adore him, he's the best man I've ever met and we're getting married next year. I never in a million years expected to meet anybody again but here I am head over heels in love!

Well, I'm 57. Widowed just over a year ago. Would like to meet someone to share things, activities, meals with. Haven't dated in 30 odd years and have read so many negative things about OLD. How does one meet people nowadays?

Met my h2b when I was 42 and we are engaged and wedding booked ... oh and he’s 14 years younger than me ! Never been with someone who loves me as much as he’s does . Good luck op . It will happen

My marriage ended when I was 40 and I spent the next four years single, despairing that there were no single men over 40 - at least none crossed my path. Eventually launched myself into OLD, which took a bit of nerve but I managed quite a few dates on POF.

An early date led to a three month fling which was a good reintroduction to relationships! A few months later I met my now partner and we’ve been together over 9 years, living together for the last five. We both have adult children (obviously they were teens when we met).

There were a few teething problems when we began living together as we had both lived alone as single parents for years prior, but soon ironed out and now we’re very happy and solid.

So it can and does happen, but I would say it’s definitely a numbers game with OLD. Meet them quickly to rule them in/out. Most men I met were great, but just not for me - only a couple of flaky/weird/outright liars. And I’ve dined out on some of the stories ever since!

I meant to add that my dad also met his partner on internet dating after my mum died - and he was in his 70s! He braved OLD a couple years before I did.

I got together with dp sixteen years ago when I was 51 and he was 48. We bought a house together 12 years ago and never looked back.

A good friend met her new dp at the age of 67 after her previous one died. She's short and dumpy, never dresses up or wears makeup, but she's warm and chatty. Everyone loves her, including me

I meant to add that my dad also met his partner on internet dating after my mum died - and he was in his 70s! He braved OLD a couple years before I did.

@ComingtoKent That's amazing! It just goes to show that age is not a barrier as people think it is. Being left on the shelf pppffffttttt!!! Poppycock isn't it!

To answer the OP - I'm 2 months out of a LTR and have no intention to meet anyone else for the time being. I want to enjoy a few years on my own - I'm 48. I'm sure I'll meet someone else in the future, but it isn't a major concern or aim for me at all. Quite a few of my friends and family in their 40s/50s have recently divorced or separated, going on to meet new partners.

I was 39 and out of a 20 year marriage. Went on POF with a VERY specific profile as there was no way I was going to date someone like my ex!

Got the usual 'set' of blokes - ones where you could tell they just wanted a one night stand, those that were clearly cheating on someone, younger guys playing the MILF game etc.

I was on there for just over two months and got a message from a guy I hadn't seen on there before.

He was my one and only date from POF. We married after 6 months, just coming up to our 4th anniversary and we're still loved up to the eyeballs

Not everyone is a leftover, we all have history of varying degrees!