No sex drive! (Desperate for advice!)

[ernjas]

Can't post in the sex thread as I haven't been a member long enough, hope this is okay

For about 2 months, I've had no sex drive. To the point where I don't enjoy sex at all and just want DP to get off me if we even try. Sometimes when we try it actually hurts, I'm not sure if it's because I'm not relaxed.

Is this worth going to the GP for? It's starting to cause problems between me and DP in an otherwise happy relationship!

Anyone?

Are you tired, depressed, demoralised? Any major stresses?

All of those can affect sexual relations. It just happens from time to time. It's a bit soon to go the GP about it but do talk to your partner and ask him to be kind. Worrying about it will not help.

@jessstan2 yes, we've actually just had a discussion tonight and I did think it was too soon to go to the GP about it.

I feel like I'm always tired at the minute, even though I usually get enough sleep!

It started when I was on the mini pill. I came off it and my sex drive never came back. I expected it to start increasing when my periods regulated again but it hasn't so I'm still not sure what the underlying issue is.

Thank you for your reply feel as though I'm working myself up now as I can't see light at the end of the tunnel with this issue!

PIV often isn’t great for a lot of women, and if it actually hurts then it’s clearly not working for you. Is it possible that this isn’t actually a problem with you but that your partner is too focussed on PIV rather than what works for you?

If PIV hasn't been a problem for you before then I don't think it's just because you aren't keen on the position or your partner isn't attentive

Are you on any medication at all OP?

@HeddaGarbled DP is really selfless and would try anything so it's not that. I think PIV hurts because I'm so unrelaxed and want it over and done with so I think it's must be more psychological? It gets to the point where I feel so agitated because I don't want to be touched in that situation, yet I'm so affectionate, cuddly etc throughout the day otherwise.

Might be worth seeing the GP just for the unusual tiredness OP, if you're anaemic or something that won't be helping.

How old are you?

Possibly get your thyroid checked out?!

Another one to say get your thyroid checked out.

@cherrysfortea no, no medication.

@Hidingtonothing I've had low iron since giving birth so it could well have gotten worse since coming off iron tablets, I'll get it checked.

@Youmadorwhat @pudding21 didn't think of thyroid. how do they check this?

Thank you everyone.

Are you breastfeeding OP? How old is baby?

@sabrinathethirtysomethingwitch no I'm not breastfeeding, DS is 2 in March!

Are you breastfeeding by any chance?
Also, what contraception are you using?

I used condoms without problems for years but after giving birth it felt like I had almost developed an allergy to them or something.

@ernjas it’s a routine blood sample done with GP. If it’s low (which can lead to low sex drive) then you will be given medication to to even out your level of thyroid hormones. (Same size as the pill)

@Onlysleepwhen no, I'm not breastfeeding.

I'm not on any contraception as of now. In the past few months I've been on the combined pill (which I had no problems with for years before birth but after birth gave me migraines and major mood swings) and the mini pill which gave me 24/7 cramps and an eczema breakout. I came off the mini pill about 2 months ago just regulate my cycles again!

@Youmadorwhat ah thank you! I'll definitely get that done.

I just feel so silly going to the GP because it feels like such a menial thing in comparison to other problems they deal with on a daily basis

How old is your DC? Are you breastfeeding?

Cross post

Maybe a combination of low iron and hormones haven't settled since being off the mini pill? Especially since the problem has only really started since you stopped the mini pill. Definitely agree that it's worth getting tiredness checked out by GP.

The mini pill can shut off your oestrogen (as it doesn’t contain any oestrogen, unlike the combined pill- and can suppress your supply)- have this checked. Google low oestrogen symptoms, it would explain a lot of your issues.

@Fairylea I did think it could be this, I was almost 100% especially because I wasn't having periods. I kind of ruled it out now my periods have came back, but could it still be low estrogen?

Possibly, yes. I’m not a medical person though so definitely ask for some tests.

I had to go on the combined pill for HRT/ oestrogen replacement reasons after being on the mini pill for 1 year completely killed off my oestrogen- I was having hot flushes, painful sex, the works! But I do have other health issues - Addison’s, thyroid issues, anaemia etc - so I don’t know whether those things impacted on things as well.

If you can’t take the combined pill there are other oestrogen replacements you can have - tablets and also even creams you use inside your vagina. I use Ovestin cream which I insert daily and I find it really helps- no more painful sex and recurrent utis / thrush!

Definitely speak to your gp about it and push for some sort of oestrogen replacement if you’re low.

emjas, (thanks for replying to me quickly), it takes a while for hormones to get back to normal after coming off the pill.

I'm not advocating heavy drinking so please, no-one jump on me, but a little alcohol, music and a few laughs definitely relaxes! Just how love for eachother.

As others have said, penetrative sex is not the only way - spending time giving and receiving pleasure with no particular end in sight is also very enjoyable (sometimes more so). People talk about it now as 'tantric' but when I was younger we didn't give it a label. It was lovely.

You'll get there but please don't stress about it. I'm glad you have a considerate partner.

in moderation. as many bunches as you like!