advice

[reddad42]

My female partner becomes extremely angry when she has had too much to drink and I feel looks for conflict (and I think enjoys it sometimes).

We had a difficult evening at the weekend - there had been some discussion about previous partners. Her's was abusive when under the influence of alcohol. Later in the evening a full scale row arose when I said that we shouldnt continue to discuss it. She said some pretty nasty things about me (that I was being a c**t) amongst other things.

I went to bed to try and avoid escalation (and in truth the argument) but she continually came to me trying to continue.

The next day there were apologies - but Im worried. There have been a few of these now and I think some related to her previous experiences - while mine are telling me to protect myself after mine -

I do love my partner - but I dont know what to do - I find myself dreading the next one rather than getting on with things - and I feel that although she said she didnt want to dwell on things there are unresolved issues - or maybe thats just her and alcohol

Im very conflicted and unhappy - any advice would be appreciated

If that’s just her and alcohol then she needs to stop drinking to excess. You can’t control her behaviour but you can control your response to it.

Had one of those loopy on white wine , I would suggest dump her as they never change.

When she's sober I would tell her how her behaviour when she's been drinking is affecting you and your relationship. Explain that if she doesn't kerb her drinking then things aren't going to work out and you'll have to break it off with her. Her continuously coming at you when you have removed yourself from the situation is awful and I couldn't handle a partner who was like this. It would be a deal breaker for me if they weren't willing to try and change their behaviour once it had been pointed out to them.

I would run for the hills if I were you.

If she can only stop this if she stops drinking then I would suggest the problem is a lot deeper. Stopping drinking is only putting a cork in the bottle so to speak.

This is her issue to deal with and you cannot fix her. I have been in a relationship like this. He gave up drinking, but I was always on eggshells in case he drank again and what might happen.

She needs to get professional help as to why she has all this suppressed anger. But that’s on her to deal with.

I think she needs to stop drinking - she's a mean drunk. It's no good apologising the next day then going on to do it again.

She needs to address the drinking, which most likely means stopping altogether.

Run op

I don't think it's right that she has suppressed anger - I mean, she might, but "in vino veritas" isn't true imo. Alcohol's a mind-altering drug: www.livescience.com/61731-mean-drunk-brain-scan.html

Yes, leaving is best option unless she commits to stopping the booze.

Im very conflicted and unhappy
So now it's time to end things.
Life is waaaaaay too short for this.
You aren't happy.
She's abusive when she's drunk.
Unless she agrees to never drink again, why bother?
You are walking on eggshells.
That is no way to live!

Thank you all x

as an update I spoke to my partner - I got alot of honesty back and they have agreed to look at getting some help.

taking a couple of days to work out what happens next

Appreciate the time taken to offer advice