Affair

[balloon75]

I could really do with some advice. I recently discovered my brother in law is having some sort of relationship with another woman behind my sisters back. They been together 25 yrs married 17 yrs and have 3 kids together. My sister was 15 when they got together and has never known anything different she's never worked as he didnt want her to so she's been a stay at home mum. She relies souly on the money he earns (has own business).
I don't know all the details of whats been going on only that foe the last few months they have been txting ALOT from the minute he gets up till he goes to bed.
If i tell her whether he's slept with this girl or not my sister will see it as cheating as do I.
Do I tell her and destroy her and the kids lives coz i dont know if she's strong enough to deal with this.She suffers with depression.
If it was me she'd tell me but im strong i can pick myself up and start again but If I dont and she finds out i knew she'd never forgive me.
Please Help

Can she get a job now?
How old are the DC?
Who gives a flying fuck if HE wants her to or not?
Does SHE want to work?
It's usually good for adult interaction, self-esteem, confidence.
It's very close to Christmas.
She could do retail work. Shop, pub, restaurant.
If her DH won't let her then she has far bigger problems than an emotional affair!

She's your sister...I'd tell her. She deserves to know the truth and to be able to turn her life around.

Firstly if you tell her you won't be destroying the kids lives, their father has done that by having an affair.
Second, I agree with hellsbellsmelons, who gives a fuck what he wants, what does your DSis want? If he wasn't telling her not to would she want to work?
If it was happening to my sister I would definitely tell her while making sure she was aware that I was there for her and the DC's to help them through. Be prepared for her to be upset and angry by you telling her, she may not believe you to begin with so you might have to be patient and be there to catch her if/when she decides to LTB.

She deserves to know

On the flip side, if you don't tell her and she finds out, then finds out you knew, how will she feel? If it was me I'd feel betrayed by two people and when she does find out she will need support and you should be there to give it with a clear conscience.

You should tell her and say that you are telling her because you didnt want her to hear from someone else

How do you know that he has been texting her? Before you break up the marriage do you have really strong evidence ?

My sister asked me to get his phone bill as she has suspicions he’s up to something. I’m the secretary of his company so deal with the account the business mobiles are on. I didn’t for one minute believe her concerns and told her she was being silly and paranoid so I got it like she asked more to put her mind at ease never expecting to find what I did.

Please tell her.

Especially as she has specifically asked you.

She asked you to look. You didn't stumble over it. I don't see how you can do anything but tell her. Otherwise you're lying to her too.

You are lying to her if you say nothing, and she will never forgive you.

However I think you've breached gdpr by accessing that information so you're screwed too now if he realises what you did. May as well tell her, but start looking for a new job too.

I couldn’t give a toss about my job it’s a job. What I care about is my sister and nieces and nephew and I didn’t breach anything my sister could quite easily of phoned the mobile company and got the information herself as could his 16 yr old daughter as she also has a phone on the account but she asked me to do it.

If your BIL finds out that you got that information through your work access, you will be in big trouble. I would tell your sister such but help,her to find out another way. However, if he is cheating, will you carry on working for him? I would start looking for another job.
;

What a mess. Who’s the woman? Do you/she know?