Husband with autism struggling with family life

[Lostwords]

My husband has ASD, this has recently come to light after having two children, as his difficulties have become more pronounced. The kids are age 1 and 3. He finds the unpredictability and chaos of young children very difficult and is getting highly stressedp

Sorry, got posted before I finished (child launching himself at me!). I wondered if anyone with similar experience had and strategies for getting through the weekend with ASD parent of young children. My husband finds the unpredictability of the children's behaviour and needs very hard. He finds car journeys with them both almost impossible for this reason. We've been coping by each taking one child and doing things separately and although this does make things much more manageable for him, we both feel we are spending too much time apart. I'm thinking highly structured weekend might help? And doing similar things each weekend. The worst is when we have not much in the way of plans and just 'going with the flow' (which is how I prefer to live) - this always results in him getting highly stressed and us having a row. Any tips on ASD coping with young children, and on the NT partner's self care really welcomed.

Is this a medical diagnosis OP or a personal one based upon your experiences as a young family where one partner simply isn't coping?
If it's a medical diagnosis then I'd expect him to have received guidance, advice and coping strategies which as a family, could be implemented.
If this is a self-diagnosis based upon the fact that he's not managing his emotions/reactions; then I would take a very different approach.

I’m an Aspie single mum. I find weekends much less stressful if I have a couple of anchor points. So for example, all washing gets done on a Friday night. Then ds has a swimming lesson on Saturday at 1pm. That divides the day in two. I use one half to do food/essentials shop and a run, and ds knows the other half is available for him to do something if he wishes.
On Sundays we both do karate at 4pm. So again there is one available slot if he wants to cycle or have a play date.
It’s not perfect but it helps.
If we travel anywhere, I can’t cope with the “are we nearly there yet” moaning, so I admit I let him have his Nintendo to keep us both sane.

Annual pass to a local kids zoo/farm??

Hiring some weekend child care - daytime sitter - for an hour or two to give you both a break ??

Thank you, v helpful. A family member is a clinical psychologist who has worked a lot with autism. After living with us a while she believed he has significant difficulties with executive functioning, sensory processing, being able to flexibly shift between situations, and difficulties with understanding metaphors/ normal figurative language. Need to get proper diagnosis. X

Your DH needs professional advice to get support to help HIM to take steps to manage HIS emotions at the weekend. Your DC and you need a calm peaceful home - going with the flow of young children not getting too structured and frantic to accommodate your DH as yet undiagnosed “needs”.