Relationship - am I being paranoid

[pob1880]

I have been with my GF for 5 years, we get on great however there's on sticking point that we argue over time and time again, Money!

We have separate houses and don't live together, I work full time and my GF doesn't, she receives benefits and csa from her ex for her 2 children, constantly I am being made to feel guilty for working, she expects me to pay for nights out or days out, I have taken my GF and her 2 children away on holiday I paid for it all on serval occasions no help from her, and when we got back she kept asking me to pay for food shopping or contribute to her house, I do stay at hers a lot but I can not simply keep affording to run my house and pay the food bill for her as well, I don't mind paying for my share but its expected I pay all the food shopping all the time, if I say to her I can not afford it she just says 'go just stay at yours' or 'you have plenty of money' I have 2 children myself I pay for, she has said in the past I need to contribute to the house as she has the heating on or I use the water, my response is you would have the heating on anyway if wasn't here! I have pointed out I have paid for holiday but she responds by saying 'it doesn't help with the day to day stuff' she constantly asks me to 'lend' her money, she is always broke and I feel she turns to me as her safety net
, there was one occasion when she asked me to lend her some money and I said I couldn't afford to, she then just says 'I don't know why I'm with you' and threatens to leave me, of course I give in a lend the money, but its rare I get it back, I pointed out to her that If she is so skint why did she go out with her friends on a night out or why did you pay for your hair to be done, I have to sacrifice things so I can live but she doesn't , but when she has no money I am expected to cough up! she has no excuse not to wok she chooses not to work, when we argue about money I say 'you chose not to work' again the threats of braking up come up in conversation.

I have tried to talk about this to her but she just threatens to leave me, she has said very sternly she doesn't want to get married or live with me so I am left constantly asking myself what am doing, I feel I am just here to dish out money all the time.

She's an absolute user. It's so blindingly obvious.

You're being used.

If you do want to stay with her, then you need to work out a fair contribution for the days you stay at hers, but you might want to warn her/realise yourself that the DWP/HMRC might consider you and she to be living together as husband and wife and she will stop receiving support as a single parent, your full income being taken into account.

The song 'Gold Digger' started playing in my head while reading your OP. She is taking you for a mug pob. You say you love her but it doesn't sound like she loves you, she just loves your money and the fact that you are funding her life. And really, is loving someone enough to put up with having the constant threat of "give me what I want or I will leave you" hanging over your head? A relationship is meant to be a partnership, not a dictatorship.

Tell the lazy cow to get a job and pay her way.

I had a single mum friend who was obsessed with meeting someone but all she ever mentioned was she needed someone who could ‘help her out’ and she meant hard cash not sex!! She is taking the piss OP, pure and simple, if you were married or lived together it would be different (and out of interest is it her idea not to live together? ). But as you don’t, I think £40 a week or so towards food and bills would be ample.

She’s using you sorry to be harsh

Massive red flag, man. Either she wants to take responsibility for her own life (eg: pay her way on holiday) or she doesn’t. Clearly she’s happy to take as much as she can, and uses emotional blackmail to get it. This will never get better, only worse. Either she can have an adult conversation and adapt her ways now, or you have to accept that you’re the bank.

What advice would you give your best mate in such a situation? If my best mate asked me, advising him to eventually walk away, would be somewhere close to the top on any list of options.

She sounds very entitled. I'm a single parent too and not exactly rolling in it but I wouldn't expect a penny from my boyfriend unless he was really costing me and my household money e.g. living in permanently, eating the fridge contents and setting the tumble dryer going every hour or something. As for accepting holidays and cars... Wow. Ill-mannered and ungrateful.