I hate my in-laws after infedelity

[babycow38]

Just that, they have always come down on his side even though they know he had an affair and broke my heart and my children, we are back together but hate them for their lack of support, I was with him 21 years

I'd save your anger for your h. He cheated on you, not them.

They are supporting their son. You've taken him back - have you forgiven him? They're taking their cue from you.

What would you like them to do?

Hey, I posted something very similar a few weeks back and got rather more measured responses. They made me realise that the in laws' response was based on his version of events and his reasoning (justification) for having done what he did, together with a very much reduced description of what had happened with OW. Of course they were going to support him - he minimised to them what he'd done and justified it by telling them how awful I was.

Your husband needs to sort it and needs to defend you to them if you're going to have any kind of relationship with them. I still haven't worked out if I can do that, but FIL has invited himself for Christmas this eyar with his girlfriend despite not having uttered a word to me or my children since May and I'm really struggling with the concept of having him in the house even for a short period of time. I do see it as partner's job to sort out the mess he caused however.
It's all very well pp's saying that they will always support their son but I don't see why parents can't deliver a suitable bollocking to an adult child who has fucked up massively, and offer some kind words (even via email) to the person they've fucked over just to check they / the kids are ok. That's all I expected but it never materialised. The are only acting on the basis of what they've been told and it won't be the same story that you know.
good luck.

Yes, my feeling upset is because they completely blanked me, no offer of support, no offering to be on the end of a phone, no anything. I am the Mother of Thier grand children, I was very close to his sister, we went on family holidays, Xmas, birthdays. I have been intamatly involved in their family for 21 years, it's not overnight?!!
I understand people saying you should be angry at OH but that's a different area, that's not what I'm asking. What I am asking is how after 21 years being "a family" can they just go" oh ok babycow has split with my brother/son so we will treat her like she never existed"

I'm a bit about some of the responses but thanks to all who did respond, I just think he made it all about me leaving and splitting up the family whilst minimising the cheating and the reason why I took such an enormous step. Still doesn't stop me feeling that I considered them family as much as my own and expected more than total cold silence

Depending on the circumstances, is it possible that they may desperately want to be "on your side" but are trying not to stir up more trouble as you have decided to reconcile?

A few years ago, my shit of a BIL had an affair with his wife's best friend. I don't know his wife all that well; they live a long way away, we see them perhaps a couple of times a year. However, she seems very kind and gentle and I like her. I was absolutely livid on her behalf and posted on here about how angry I was with him. I was told in no uncertain to keep my beak out, that it was none of my business and that I was making things worse by wanting to take up "sides". To this day, I don't know whether she knows how bad I feel for her, or how angry I am with him.

I can now well imagine that SIL might have felt that we were uncaring and trying to cover up his bad behaviour. Might that be possible in your situation?