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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Well meaning friend......

11 replies

Podmog · 31/08/2004 15:23

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Blu · 31/08/2004 15:43

How exhausting! She sounds like a bouncy over-enthuusiastic spaniel who wnats to gret you, but covers you in slobber and muddy paw marks in her enthusiasm!

But she doesn't sound 'harsh' or 'scary' - so perhaps you could harness her enthusiasm into doing things that you WANT her to do. Tell her that telling people about a birth is a special treat for you and DH, so ask if she can be your special friend and actually 'keep the secret', so that she feels involved.

Most of the other things are irritating, but not actually interfering as her planned phone-rund would be.

woodpops · 31/08/2004 15:44

Sounds very odd. Just ring her last when baby arrives so you get to tell everyone 1st. Other than that not much advice I'm afraid. Just keep your chin up

hatter · 31/08/2004 16:08

you could give her the job of printing out some photos and posting them to your friends but tell her that you're going to be the ones doing the initial telling by phone/email whatever

Blu · 31/08/2004 16:14

Actually, it is REALLY insensitive to think she can be the one to tell the news. She should know that if she is a Mum. Is she a bit frantic about something? She sounds a bit desparate, all this over-familiarity.

Podmog · 31/08/2004 16:31

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Podmog · 31/08/2004 16:31

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Blu · 31/08/2004 16:52

That makes sense, Podmog. She probably needs lots of re-assurance, then. A card or a letter is a good idea, and needs emphasising if you haven't told the girls the baby's sex.

Chandra · 31/08/2004 17:41

We called DS with his name since very early, probably since he was about 12 weeks but had the option to use a feminine form of it in case it turned out to be a girl, I found it sweet that people remeber his name when asking about him even when he was not yet born it was like aknowledging that he was a little person instead of just a bump. And we decided to use a name beacuse I have a friend with a 14 yr old who much to his despair is still called "Bean" by relatives and a sister known as "Bebe" (baby) at her thirties, knicknames they got pre-birth.

Now the fact that the name can reveal the sex of the baby which is a surprise for your DDs changes all that...

tigermoth · 01/09/2004 08:43

I don't know how long you have known this woman - has she always been like this? I would feel stifled if she was my friend. You spoke to her about you upset over name thing and she didn't stop. That's not at all friendly - quite the opposite. To me, it seems she is doing these things for her, not for you.

It reminds me of a friend I had years ago when I was pregnant with my first son. I hadn't known her long but she was very keen to see me throughout my pregnancy and became quite protective. She visited me tons of times at the hosptital and it began to veer from her being attentive to her being in the way. She was trying to take over everything and questioned all dh's decisions.

She had no children of her own, and this might well have been a factor in her extreme interest in my pregnancy.

Anyway I began to distance myself from her a little while trying to be friendly still. But once she sensed what I was doing, she turned on me very quickly and immediately became a different person. Dh and I had loaned her furniture for her new flat and a year afterwards I politely asked for it back - she laughed in my face and said that she'd given it all away.

Podmog · 01/09/2004 08:53

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tigermoth · 01/09/2004 09:04

I think you're doing the best thing, re hibernating. Your friend sounds like she might be using the events in your life as a distraction from facing up to the problems in her own life. Or perhaps she feels by being this attentive, she is repaying you for your kindnes in listening to her.

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