I will be disowned...

[Emmalanexxx]

Hi, long story short I’m 21, suffered a few miscarriages with boyfriend (no longer ttc and won’t be for a long time). We went on a break after one miscarriage at the start of the year. Got back together and found each other arguing a lot taking each other for granted around September. In October he broke up with me, hardest point of my life. I was angry hurt and upset, talked shit about him as you do when you’re annoyed. My family and friends now hate him. He got into contact with me a few weeks ago and said when he did what he did he felt really depressed, he had since been going to the doctor, and he thought it was our relationship that broke him down but he said being apart from me was awful and he realises what a mistake he made. He’s had this time alone to fix himself and wants us to be together again. Personally I hated being away from him it was horrible and made me realise what I had, we’ve met up in the past week and it’s been amazing being around him again. He seems completely different he said he needed this time and now he’ll do whatever it takes to get me back. Only issue is now my family and friends hate him, I have kept this a secret and it’s making me depressed and worsening my anxiety. I live with my parents and they are quite strict, I fear if my dad finds out I’m dating I’m I will get kicked out. I’m so torn I don’t know what to do, any thoughts would be much appreciated Thankyou

So it's over a year later that hes contacted you? If so it could be possible that hes changed, but on the other hand not.

@SilverLining10 I read it as being just over a month. What exactly did he do wrong for you to be telling your family and friends about OP? You haven't said? If he's been abusive that's going to be hard to rationalise with your family and friends.

@costacoffeecup he’s not been physically abusive but I think from what I’ve told them my parents think he’s mentally abusive. Upon reflection he isn’t though I just told them my side of the story when I was upset and crying so of course I wasn’t being rational, I was just saying that he would shout at me in arguments etc but in reality we would raise voices at each other (things like that). I don’t know how to do major damage control 😩 I’ve really fucked this up and I’m so down about it now, we’ve been together 3 years

Was there a reason you wanted to settle down with children young? You could be honest with your family that you exagggerated his shouting etc. But they may have more worries about him than what you told them. Are you in a position to move out of the family home and live independently?

@DianaT1969 do you think they would believe me? I’m not really in the position to move out and live alone as I can’t afford it. I’m about to start a job where my training is in London and I have to pay accommodation for 5 weeks so... trying to save. I used to live with my ex so if I got thrown out I’d probably end up having to live back there if my dad threw me out which I think he might

going to the doctor, and he thought it was our relationship that broke him down
So why would you put him and yourself back in the same situation?
Why does he want to?
Honestly, this does not sound great.
Please give yourselves so space apart.
Get out and enjoy yourself.
You are young and you've been with a bloke for most of your adult, partying, good time, years.
Stop tying yourselves in knots.
Both leave each other alone to enjoy life.
It will be joyless if you are together!
People don't change in a month!
Sorry, but that just does NOT happen!

@hellsbellsmelons so do I just let go of someone I’m madly in love with? And we both want to be together? It just doesn’t sit right in my stomach to do that, I don’t know. I want him in my life

If you both really are in love and meant to be together, a separation of a few months won't damage that.

Do you think a few months separation will make it easier for my family? Because I’ll do that, I just don’t want to end things for good it doesn’t feel like the right option