How long to wait before meeting each other's children?

[spritesobright]

It's still early days for me with a new partner and we both have children from previous relationships (ages 9, 7, 5, 4).

We have managed to coordinate our weekends with/without the kids but it's hard not seeing him for long stretches.

I was wondering how long other people had waited to meet each other's children and what they think is sensible?

The separation is still quite recent and I don't want to upset/confuse my children.
His ex has already introduced their kids to her new boyfriend but said he was a "friend." They've been separated 6 months.

How long is 'early days'? Not in that situation, but friends with young children seem to wait eighteen months or so.

I think after around a year it’s okay to start introducing him to them as your new ‘special friend’ depending on their ages. Don’t lie and say he’s just a friend of course, but also don’t imply it’s serious or get into major PDA around them. Some would say wait longer which is probably more sensible, but you’re gonna want to know whether both of you get on with each other’s kids or not so waiting much more than a year is risky for you. But at the end of the day it’s about what’s best for the children, not just you and him.

You’ll get very different responses on here btw. Some people have met and moved their new boyfriend in within two months (seriously!) and justify it with ‘well it worked out okay’. Others are horrified at waiting less than three years, and some believe you just shouldn’t date with young kids as it’s not fair to take the risk of someone new entering then maybe leaving their lives.

Thanks for the responses. We've only been seeing each other 6 weeks and I was thinking a year made sense as well. I guess it depends on a lot of things.
Exh wanted to introduce his OW to the kids straightaway and I put my foot down.
But I was surprised that NP's ex had introduced the kids so quickly. He was an old friend so I guess she trusted him but I think kids have a way of 'knowing.'

I’m in a similar position OP, I was thinking 6 months to a year.

My STBXH introduced his new girlfriend to my child after 7 weeks! Makes me even more determined to take things slowly & protect the kids.

Wingingit yes I totally agree on being more determined to be sensible and mindful of my children.

I'm fully enjoying the love bubble we are in now but conscious that at some point we may need to think about integrating our lives more.

It's so strange now dating, knowing that it's not just about us. Dating in my twenties was so much easier!

I've been seeing someone for a few months and I have no idea. We live in different towns so just see each other when we don't have the kids. It's quite nice that way tbh. I may tell my eldest sooner but will wait at least a year I'd say to introduce them. We live far away from each other so only see each other when we're staying over. If it was someone who lived closer who could just get to know them and not stay the night, I may have introduced sooner.

For us it was about 3 months

Until you are confident it's a goer for the long term I wouldn't bother with intros. As you say it's early days so just focus on that at this point?

I had to wait a year before meeting the DSC. It drove me mad at the time but 4 years later I have nothing but respect for his decision to wait

My Dp is my bils relative. He met my son pretty much when I did. But me and Dp weren't together.

We were friends for a year, so ds got to know him. Then we got together and told ds 6 months later.

There's no one size fits all answer to this.

10-12 months is ideal because then you know if you're both serious.

Anything up to 6months can still very much be the honeymoon period & not worth involving the children in. Good luck!!

I think 6-12 months is sensible.

3 months, but we’d both been separated from our respective ex’s for years, plus our dc are teenagers of the same ages, so it was a lot simpler in terms of understanding on their parts.

For me it was about a month, but I was a single mum and never left the kids so he would come round after they were in bed. I realised I had to introduce them as we knew early on we were going to be together and I didn't want them waking up and seeing him in the house without being introduced. I was pregnant after 3 months so I was glad I introduced them early.
It's not the advice I would give to others and I realise I took a risk but it was ok for us and we're now married.

My dc (5&6 at the time) met the ow 6 months after the separation.
I later found out they’d been introduced via calls and texts etc a few months prior to that.
I was unreasonable to suggest he should wait a year (as advised by my counsellor and various other sources including on here).
I guess from his POV he’d been with her a long time before I found out so he felt he’d waited long enough.
Also the fact she had a baby around 10 months after the intro might have had something to do with it.

I started a long distance, very casual thing in similar circumstances to the op (eow when the dc were with their dad/his with their mum). It grew into something quite special and was difficult to compartmentalise but I didn’t tell them of his existence until we’d been seeing each other a year and they met a couple of months after that. I met his dc around the same time (teenage boys). Everyone hit it off really well and it’s going very well.
My dc like him and his dc and I think his dc like me.
My ex otoh, while he’s never acknowledged my new relationship, started court proceedings for more contact, within a month of finding out about my bf.
Go figure.

6-12 months.

although i wont be introducing any men to my children as i have decided to stay single but i think 6-12 months would be ideal.

Thanks for all the other suggestions and experiences.

Onit I hadn't considered at all how ex might react by wanting more custody.

Definitely another reason to delay telling both him and the kids. Not that I think it would give him any more legal basis but I just don't even want it to be a point of discussion.

None of his business anyways.

I’m sure my experience is not typical, sprite
My ex is a psychopath. Not in a violent, murderous way. He spent half our lives moulding me into someone with no self worth or voice of my own.
I’m sure he was surprised when I eventually told him to leave after finding out he’d been sleeping with a family friend for god knows how long. More shocked when I didn’t fall to pieces in the aftermath despite his best efforts and, when he found out about my bf, I guess that irked him a tad.

You know your dc. But what I know now is kids are resilient. My dc really like my dp but I know o did the right thing waiting. I wanted to know it was a long term thing. My ex will fuck with their heads (and I blame myself for not being able to protect them from that) but I will make damn sure I don’t fuck them up at my end.

Absolutely wait until you’re divorced and financials are settled before the new partner pops up, it does tend to kick off WW3 the thought of another man in “his house” even if you paid for it, he left, all logic out the window

My boyfriend I met two years after our respective divorces, he has two children and I have none. Been together 6 months and plan to marry, his ex was told about me and his plans to tell the kids last month, the kids were told about me at the weekend and, very sweetly, both were really positive and are badgering him to book a restaurant for us all to have dinner at before Christmas! So there's no size fits all but I hope it works out as well for you as it has so far for us

Against the grain here but I waited 2/3 months. Ex was not seeing DD much at the time and it just happened.

7 months later, it has worked out really well. He has no children of his own. I think waiting 6 months would have been too long, what if he didn't get on with your kids or could not handle blended family life?

Of course it also comes down to gut feeling and what you feel is right. I don't think anyone is wrong or right on this matter.

Id say 3 months if u are in a proper relationship and are going to stay together.u will know when it feels the right time x

5fivestar that is a very good reason to wait. I think the kids could deal with it, but not my ex, even though he had an affair and wanted to introduce her to the kids.

It sucks but I do feel like I'm 'sneaking around' behind his back and like he will make a big deal of another man being in 'his' house.

It does require a few diversionary tactics to avoid ex and kids knowing about new bf and it's a risk we would run into them but worth trying to wait anyways.