Jealousy

[Rowallen]

Hello, I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to deal with jealousy ?
My husband travels with work so is away most weeks and home at the weekends. Since October he has been working internationally so he has only made a couple of trips home. He is working in a small group with two other men and two women.
On the weekend before last he went on a day trip with one of the women, they watched a sporting event, had dinner and drinks in a bar and then drove home in the evening.
Last weekend he was going shopping and asked her if she wanted a lift, when they got to the shopping outlet they went their separate ways and met up again for lunch. During the trip she asked him to go to a shop with her and advise on some winter coats.
I love my husband to pieces and I believe him when he tells me he has never been unfaithful. However, when I imagine them out shopping together and enjoying lunch in the sun, I just felt such a surge of jealousy - the coat thing sent me over the age, surely just ask a shop assistant for advice. I felt so jealous that another woman was getting his attention and being able to spend time with him.
I told my husband I was jealous about this situation and I realize it doesn't make me very attractive. He said there was absolutely nothing going on and I was being paranoid. He felt that I would only be happy if he never spent any time alone socially with a female colleague again, but I never asked him to do this and know it is a completely unrealistic expectation when you are far from home.
I asked him to try and see it from my perspective but he said if it were the other way round he would not feel jealous as he trusts me. I think everybody is capable of having affairs no matter how they may have said they never would, affairs often happen because the opportunity presents itself.
I know I need to deal with this jealousy but just don't know where to start with it all.

mycatsadog i need to work on feeling more confident about myself and hopefully that will stop me feeling this way. Did you get over your husband's affair?

@Rowallen I do feel for you. What is your life like during the week when he is away? Do you work? Are you able to do nice things for yourself/see people?

To be very clear, I don't mean this to make your DH jealous or to try and get one over him, but focusing on yourself and things you enjoy will help how you feel, particularly if there are fun family, friends and/or colleagues you can spend time with. It's easy to feel that you're missing out when you're at home and your other half is travelling/out and about.

pompomcat we moved from one part of the UK to another a few months ago so not working at the moment but hope to be.Both our families are not too far away. I've been volunteering with an organisation, joined a book group and also helping at my children's school to get to meet more people. I exercise and take care of myself so get the chance to do lots of nice things, I'd rather be working though and am looking for a job. I think my confidence is at an all time low at the moment.

@Rowallen that is all very positive and I am pleased you are trying to take care of yourself.
Apologies if I have missed this upthread, but why do you think your self-confidence is low at the minute? If it is at all to do with not having a job at present, can I just say that although I hope you will find a job that you like soon as you say that you are looking for one, it sounds like you are already working very hard and that just because you aren't in a paid role right now doesn't mean you don't work!

pompomcat probably because I am not working ( I worked part time before we moved). I just feel that my husband sees me as carer to his children rather than wife if you see what I mean.

I should probably pm you as I am hogging the thread, but I have the app and don't know how!!
Do you feel able to talk to your DH about this?
If he hasn't said anything about "just" seeing you as a carer to your DC, please don't assume he feels that way. And if he has, that's not very fair.
I am saying this as a qualified professional woman with no DC who works FT (when not signed off work sick, hence being online!!) btw-I am not being condescending when I say that your role is so very important, particularly as you have so recently moved. He could not do his job without you doing all that you do-in my limited experience of looking after other people's kids that can be just as challenging and demanding as a job, if not more so as you don't ever get a break. Please don't label yourself as not being good enough simply as you are not working at present-your DH and DC are lucky to have you, and you are doing lots every day to advance yourself, to take care of yourself and do good for others