Separating From partner

[mumap2015]

I suppose I'm writing in here to chat with others who are going through or have gone through the same .. my partner and I of 7 years are separating after Christmas.. completely on good terms and it's a mutual decision for us both however .. I feel beyond guilty and heartbroken for our little girl .. she's beyond a daddy's girl and although we are only moving a few minutes away and she will see him very regularly I can't help but think how it's going to effect her 😓 how do you explain to a very clever 3 year old mammy and daddy are no longer together? would love to hear others stories and how you dealt with the situation x

Following with interest as in similar position except stbx is being a grumpy pita about it all and not thinking of how he is acting in front of our young children.

I'll join in too!

We separated a week ago. H has been abusive, unpredictable, in denial, and is now on a charm offensive. It's not going to work this time, of that I am sure. I told DC last week and I'm damn sure i'm never going through that again. I'm hopeful that he can grow up and behave better for the sake of DC.

For what it's worth OP, I told DC that Mummy and Daddy weren't going to be living together any more, but that they would see lots of both of us, and that we still loved them more than anything in the world, and always would do. I told them that it wasn't their fault, and that there are all kinds of families.

It's super shit.

I think the advice is to be truthful in an age appropriate way. So not too much detail, but enough to satisfy their questions.

H has moved out - staying together over Christmas wouldn't have worked for us (for him, I could have done it). So I'm trying to work out how to have a lovely Christmas for DC. Also i'm going to order a lovely big box of wine to drink guilt-free (H was a drinker) and buy all our favourite foods for us to enjoy.

It will be fine actually. And lovely not to be walking on those egg shells.

and by that I mean a CASE of wine!

we get on absolutely great but from a relationship stance it's just not going to work, that "spark" we had is gone but we will remain great friends 😊 I just hope she doesn't take it too hard when the time comes to tell her and she's a sensitive little soul x

mumap2015 I understand. My ex and I split when our two were just 2 and 4 years old. Our situation was different as he’d had an affair, but for my DC’s I stayed positive as I wanted them to see that even though mummy and daddy aren’t together we stand together when it comes to them. To be fair we do. The 4 year old asked about daddy, but the 2 year old didn’t and has never really questioned it as this situation is now all he knows. I just said that daddy went to stay with friends which was true. Then when daddy got his own place I explained that. I said mummy and daddy love them very very much, but we won’t be living together anymore even though we will always be friends. That was true and they accepted it. Now it’s all they know. I think it helps if you can maintain a very amicable relationship with your ex, no matter what has happened (in my case).

Don’t get me wrong, at the time, the eldest asked me a lot of questions and got upset when he realised daddy wasn’t coming home, but by being open as much as possible with a little person, keeping to their routine and a lot of cuddles we did get through it.

3 years on both DCs are doing really well at school, are lovely little people with lots of friends and are very happy.

Big hugs... I know it’s really tough.

that makes me feel a bit better, she very clever and inquisitive and is also by her daddy's side 😂 hopefully she'll be ok x