Husband feels trapped

[Zholli]

My husband says he feels trapped with his job and life.
We have 2 children together 2 and 8 months and ever since our second child came along my husband has had theses feelings on and off. He has a good job which takes him away a lot of the year and leaves me home alone with the children , we have our own house and the children but still this isn’t enough what can I do?

What is if that's making him feel trapped? Does he not actually like his job? Does he resent the responsibility of having children? Is it the financial aspect? I think he needs to explore this either by speaking to you or a counsellor. To be honest you probably feel quite trapped to with 2 children in tow day in and day out. He may be overly focusing on his commitments and forgetting yours.

I doubt there’s anything you can do. He’s chosen to have two children, he knew that meant a lot of responsibility, especially the second time! You’re the one carrying the weight of most of it if he’s away for work a lot. What specifically is he feeling trapped by? How are you finding things? You have two very young children, they’re exhausting. You need to work together to keep life on an even keel. You don’t need the additional stress of trying to get/keep him engaged when you’re the one getting on with stuff while he sounds like he has/wants one foot out the door. That doesn’t sound fair on you at all.

He says he likes his job but all he sees is that’s it until he dies. We have no financial worries and it was both our choices to have both children. He’s refused to see a councillor or dr but this is the 3rd time he has had a wobble like this in the last year. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do as I don’t know where I stand he says he still loves me and it’s not our relationship but how can I help him?

I don't think there's much you can do. Would he be open to seeing a therapist?

I think you'd need to find out exactly what he means by 'trapped'. Only then can you understand the best next steps like counselling.

Why don't you start making some kind of plans for the future that don't involve work and the grind of family life? Something to look forward to and work towards that isn't just about commitment and the long hard slog. It sounds like he's in a job he doesn't love, and even if you want a family, that's still a huge chunk of your life. It can start to feel like, for what?

What's he passionate about? What does he look forward to? If he doesn't have passions, if he isn't able to make himself fulfilled and interested in life, there's nothing you can do. But as a partner, you can help him discover that, and you might find something that you love and want to work towards, too.

both my dad and uncle went through this around age 45-50.

neither was relationship-related.

both took very different directions from their long-term careers, and both are much much happier as a result.

admittedly, both had adult children who were self-sufficient at that point, so were not necessarily reliant on them.

but anyone can change direction. a smaller house, a different lifestyle for a period wouldn't be the end of the world.

i'm sure most children would be able to cope with fewer "comforts" if it meant a happier, more engaged dad.

i've also felt similarly at a few points in my career.

DW does a job she loves, and has always wanted to do.
despite it being extremely hard, it is very fulfilling for her.

i was a little envious of this (doing a corporate job, where if i disappeared for a month, nothing would change).

i found that doing stuff outside work really helped - volunteering at local organisations, sports coaching etc. meant i was able to gain fulfilment outside my work, which was great (and also meant we didn't need to change our lifestyles at all).

Could I it be that going away so much could mean he feel disconnected with the family.

He has little connection with you all but feels trapped to support it?

Common with fly in fly out mine workers