How to improve self worth?

[greatestsnowman]

Looking for some tips/advice/books/courses that I can try for this as I can't really afford a therapist.

I suffer really badly from low self esteem which becomes very apparent when dating. I'm actually fine and outwardly confident at work, with friends etc but men turn me into a wreck.

I haven't had a proper relationship for years and I feel like his might be because I'm always accepting less than I deserve. I get in lots of 'sort of' relationships where I either know the guy isn't really interested or they tell me they don't want anything serious and I go along with it until they inevitably lose interest altogether and I hate myself. This has culminated in me having an affair for the last 6 months - it's ended now but I feel like it was just another time I wanted an unavailable man. It's like the more the guy treats me badly, the more I try hard and lose myself to win them over? I obsess over men not texting back, not calling first, not asking me out first etc. I feel like a normal person would just tell them to go away.

Not sure where this all comes from but I used to be ugly when I was younger and I'm now very attractive - I know that I can win men with my looks - but once the novelty of this is gone I feel like I don't have much to give personality-wise so I know I end up relying on sex to keep attention.

I was also in an abusive relationship when I was 18 - 22 and never really spoke about it to anyone.

Has anyone experienced similar and can anyone recommend any practical ways I can help myself?

Not sure where this all comes from but I used to be ugly when I was younger and I'm now very attractive - I know that I can win men with my looks - but once the novelty of this is gone I feel like I don't have much to give personality-wise so I know I end up relying on sex to keep attention

There needs to be a an introspection, a self enquiry if you like, which you seem to have started.
I was ugly when I was young, I was in an abusive relationship, I project my attractiveness to meet men, I rely on sex to keep them. are a few examples.
But in reality this is not you. It is not authentic, it is an act you put on. An actress performing as soon as you leave the house in the mornings until you get home at night. Very exhausting. It is understandable.
In truth your true self worth is your authenticity!!. To discover this is difficult because your act has become a habit. To drop that which you know (the actress) for something you don't know (authenticity) takes a leap of faith.
So you need tools to help you find it.
Mindfulness meditations that enable you to see the thoughts that you have and to enable you to make a choice to just observe the negative thoughts as opposed to internalising them will help.
An understanding that the authentic you is more attractive then the false you can be seen in guided meditations. By the right teacher.

The dropping of all the past and the future and living in the moment will give you peace of mind and calmness.
As you cannot afford therapy then perhaps you need to turn to self help books and you tube video's which will hopefully resonate with you and give you the incentive to discover this authenticity.
Books and you tube videos by Mooji, Rupert Spira, Eckarte Tolle, Deepak Chopra, Francis Lucille, Adyashanti might help you. I'm sure one of them will resonate with you.

HTH

How old are you?

Sorry hit send before I finished! Age gives a bit of context...

Great you recognised your problem. Why don't you sign up for counselling through your GP? Might be a bit of a wait, but worth it, no? Lots of books - check out Amazon for the highly rated ones.

A starter for you OP

Sorry I am 27!

My GP wouldn't refer me for counselling as he didn't think I was depressed (I don't think I am either) also I have good job, am a well spoken and polite person and I get the impression he wondered why I was even there?! The NHS answer seems to be to take up physical exercise however I am a fairly dedicated long distance runner so once I told him this he seemed to be out of ideas. I've just bought a house so all my spare cash needs to go into doing it up for the next couple of years.

I'm generally happy in other areas, it's just as soon as I date (not just online either) that these insecurities become apparent. But I also don't want to be alone forever.

Are you sure you can't afford a therapist? Really, really sure? Getting to the bottom of this, at your age is probably one of the best investments you could make in yourself and well worth going without takeaways, another pair of shoes etc. You say you have a good job, are you sure there isn't some money there?

I'm closer to 50 than 40 and I wish I had started this process at your age.

Only you can take the step but ask yourself how you will feel in 20 years time with all those issues still not fully resolved.