Feeling stuck

[Travisandthemonkey]

feeling so sad and stuck, ex is with someone else.
He kept going back between us, and eventually chose her. I know I shouldn’t have allowed it, but we have been in each other lives for 20 years, and I just didn’t want to lose him even though I was losing all my self respect.

I try hard not to look at social media, he’s blocked on everything, but still I can’t stop thinking about them together.
I know he’s a shit, I know I deserve better, I’ve read all the books, been to therapy, done all of the advised things.

And yet he is in my dreams every night. I think about it most of the day. I stop myself l, but it pops into my head.

I know it will take time, but I’m the wrong side of 40 and I wanted children and I’ve probably lost that chance. I’m unlikely to meet someone in the next year and miraculously be over him and miraculously be able to have children.

This time of year I feel even more desperate. It’s been so long that I don’t think I will ever recover.
I am on my own almost all of the time. All my friends have kids, and have stopped making an effort.
I just don’t really see the point anymore.

This is so sad but i can totally relate. I was married for 14 yrs. when my exh had an affair he wasnt sure who he wanted and said he wanted to work it out but he never ended the affair and one day I realised he was never going to. It was like a bereavement I grieved for the man i knew and who seemed to have gone. I saw them together a few times. One eve he called me saying she was preg and they were thinking of an abortion.We had done 3 failed rounds of ivf. I was so upset. Fast forward 13,yrs and i have new partner and an 11 year old son. He was born when i was 38 and i know lots of people 40 plus having first child. Dont give up hope. Why dont you do something charitable at xmas a soup kitchen or something? I spent today packing toys for a charity appeal for kids in our town so they have gifts at xmas.
Dont torture yourself with thinking of him. Focus on the bad things he did not the good.... why dont you try new activities to meet new people? Go on an adventure holiday ? If you feel really terrible get in touch with samaritans x

Me too.. Travis. (Sorry not good with bolding etc yet). How old are you? I am just shy of 40, split up with partner a monthly ago and post 4 rounds of IVF. I am so not done with trying to make that happen..

If you are past that point, it’s time to try and I mean try at everything, books, movies, interactions, friends, coffee shops, running (deffo recommend!) allotments, anything you can think of - you WILL get there. Promise.

Thanks everyone. I was having a very bad day yesterday.
I’m 41.
I did the pick me dance and lost, and I did it for too long.
I’m a grown up. I know logicallly I shouldn’t want to be with him. That I’m worth more, that I wouldn’t have ended up happy. I’ve read all the books. I understand the words and the logic but it doesn’t seem to change anything.

But I guess I feel like such an overall failure. I don’t feel like a strong empowered single woman. I just feel alone and like I’ve wasted years of my life with nothing to show for it other than a job.

I’ve tried everything going! But I still come home to an empty flat and just feel tired of life and that I just want to come home to him.

I wish I could feel angry, but I can’t. And I don’t know why I can’t. I see people on here who go through the stages of grief, but I just seem to be stuck.