Nearly crying , feeling incredible guilt

[Chickenedout]

I split from DH in August after a huge argument. Things hadn't been right between us for 8 months at that point. He is now living with his sister.
He doesn't really see the children and when he does he mainly quizzes them about what I am doing, which confuses them , however he is a good father in different aspects.
I have moved on and accidentally have got into a relationship with someone else, I wasnt planning on this to happen however it has, even though we are taking it as slow as possible. ex DH has got wind of this and is quite understandably livid and hurt and I feel so so awful and guilty for this.
He txt me earlier to say he has a letter due to come to my address from the GP for a scan due to stomach pain he has been having. When he told me that I almost cried, I feel so bad that I can't be there to support him and I do still care for him as the children's dad. I'd be devastated if it's something serious. Has anyone here been through a similar sense of guilt ? And how to you deal with it 🙄 TIA x

Of course he's going to be upset that you've moved on, that's human nature but it sound like he is trying to guilt trip you with the doctors letter.

Also, how do you accidently get into a relationship?

Well he may well be but i just feel awful. Ok it's not a serious relationship per se but I met this guy when out having drinks with friends he asked for a meet up the next day I explained I have a lot on and I'm not looking for that at the moment however he just wooed me and I think being in an abusive relationship for so many years I couldn't believe someone could actually like me again

It’s understandable that he’s hurt.
But that’s life.

You need to own your actions though - it’s not an accident. It may have been unintended and not looked for - but it’s a deliberate choice.

The 8 difficult months - were they difficult because he was manipulative?

Surely you’re giving him his post anyway? So he absolutely did not need to tell you about the letter.

He didn’t “just woo” you.
If you’re not comfortable about new man, then now is the time to assert yourself and your boundaries. If you’re not looking for anything right now: cancel him.
Don’t mistake some pushy dickhead not taking no for an answer as some show of romantic wooing!

Well done you for ditching an abusive man. Even more likely that the doctor’s letter is a manipulation then. And quite possibly even a lie.

Have you heard of the Freedom Programme?

How is he a good father if he doesn’t see the children?

Hello thank you for your responses. Yes very manipulative and controlling still tries to control me now , but I just keep thinking my children are half of him and I'd hate anything bad to happen to him.
Yes social services were referring me to the freedom programme not heard yet tho ...

I believe you can do it on line - don’t wait for SS. Althougha geoup would be better, do both.

I’ll bet you a real tenner he’s lying to push your buttons.

If you want to date someone - fine. You don’t need ex’s permission.

But you also can say no to Mr Pushy. Don’t be pushed into a date just because it’s a boost to be asked. Frankly, arseholes will smell that vulnerability
Freedom programme first

Thanks all I'm just a huge worrier and it gets me no where. As for OM he has been quite helpful in me seeing how abuses I was , I was always chucked to the bottom of the queue, even the children have no respect for me anymore as they witnessed it all, I was literally shouted at and out down and manipulated daily to boost his ego , and when he sensed id had enough and it was no longer affecting me he changed tactic.
He had basically told me since January he was moving out , moving on cause I wouldn't back down on the one last thing I could enjoy , he threw all how toys out the pram , moved I'm to my youngests room for 8 months , it was torture. Now he knows I've been casually seeing someone he went mental down the phone saying he can't believe I'd moved on.. he was one total head fuck

I really don't think you should have anyone new in your life at the moment. Concentrate on building a life as a single parent for yourself and kids.

You are worried about the effect of you being in a relationship with a man that controlled and abused you, seriously, I think you should get counselling if you feel bad for him; he fucked up you and your kids heads.

He's still affecting your children negatively, good dad, when he never sees them, having said that, best thing for them not to have him around.

I understand how it sounds ridiculous but I suppose it takes two to blame , I wasn't exactly perfect either .