Separation worries

[MammytoT]

Hi I posted a few weeks ago about my husband having been abusive a handful of times towards myself and also taking things too far with my son , grabbing and pushing etc . There was a big incident the night before we went on holiday where I spilled a drink and it went up the wall and my husband completely lost his shit with me starting dragging me into the kitchen and throwing things at me etc. We had to go on holiday the following day and then he agreed to leave to get support for his anger.
He has been gone for a few weeks now and sees the kids on Tuesdays and Sundays and also has them every other weekend (with his parents present). He has been to the GP and she has diagnosed him with anxiety and depression for which he is now taking medication. I am very happy on my own.
Financially it doesn't make sense to separate yet so we've decided he will come back once he has started CBT (advised to help him in stressful situations) and then we will spend a couple of years getting some savings behind us (as we now have zero savings) then we will seperate permanently. We are both agreed on this and it's relatively civil.
I did get a few mixed replies on here with some saying I was putting my lifestyle before my kids safety or something along those lines. That really isn't the case but I am concerned about how we will manage financially once we sell the house. I know I can't afford a mortgage so will have to rent as I currently aren't in work and when I am it will only be part time as both children have additional needs and I have to attend appointments all the time, I'm in receipt of carers allowance. At the moment we have a good , financially stable life for the children. If my husband never lays a finger on us again and he really is mentally ill then I'm having second thoughts about if this is for the best. Has anyone been in this position and actually stayed with their partner and everything turned out ok. We've been together for 12 years and I am 28, he is 29.

I just wanted to say I was really greatful for the majority of the replies on my other post as well. It helped me to know I was making the right decision in demanding we live apart for the time being.

Sorry to hear of your difficult situation but i think its very worrying indeed that you are contemplating having him back when he has been abusive in the past. I understand the financial difficulties but couldnt you live with family? If you are working you would get tax credits wouldnt you?

I don't drive as have epilepsy but I am able to start learning if I am still seizure free in another 6 months. and family are over 40 miles away. My kids are settled at school and my daughter's is especially good as it's an SEN unit and she has come on amazingly since starting. My mother was also abusive towards me as a child (far worse than my husband is) so it would be just as bad as where I am now. We have a plan in place at the moment that he will come back in March and stay until we put the house up for sale when the fixed rate is up on the mortgage. Obviously if he becomes violent during this time he will have to leave again and he knows this would be forever. I currently claim tax credits and income support and he is giving me £400 a month for the kids. When he comes back it will all be joint money again and obviously I will lose tax credits and income support until we seperate permanently and me and the kids look to rent. He is seeking help for his anger and the violence isn't a regular occurrence with him, I genuinely think with the right support he can change. I don't work and I don't drive. It's really not the right time to be making anything permanent. it's just working out what makes financial sense over the next couple of years and then beyond. My wobble is with arriving at the end of the 2 years and taking that leap into the unknown. To claim most benefits you can't have more than £6k in savings so when we sell the house and I get my share of the equity I'll just have to put a big chunk of it on 12 months rent up front and then spend the rest until I have £6k left I suppose? Just feels so rubbish going back to renting after being a home owner all these years. I know emotionally that me and the kids will be fine because they only took a couple of weeks to adjust to him not living here anymore and now they're fine . I do need these next 2 year's though to get some independence in terms of learning to drive and finding work. We were looking at me doing 2 nights a week before all this kicked off (because most of the meetings and courses for the kids are during the day) but now I won't have anyone to watch the kids I'll need to find something that somehow fits in . I know I'm rambling. I'm very confident in my decision at the moment to gain independence and then split at the 2 year point , it's just a slight wobble .